Cybersex is the subject of one of the great debates that rage throughout
online communities which discuss sexual matters. That it occurs is not
questioned. Anecdotal proofs suggest that many, if not almost all
people who discover real time online chat programmes will at least dabble with
cybersex one one or more occasions.
What is questioned by many is the reality of cybersex as a sexual
- What is cybersex, anyway?
Cybersex is a method of making use of one of a number of real time chat
programmes (Various IRC clients, ICQ, MSN etc) to share a sexual experience.
The participants imagine and describe a sexual experience happening between
them. Some participants masturbate during this conversation, and others do
not. In some cases the expressed emotion alone is as much stimulation as a
The point of cybersex is to excite yourself and your partner, often to the
point of orgasm.
When entered into in a non-flippant manner, cybersex can be a hugely
intimate and arousing experience. On the other hand cybersex, when one is
not in the correct frame of mind for it, can be excruciatingly boring, embarrassing,
amusing or even slightly revolting. Whether cybersex works or not is even more
mood-dependant than with RL sex.
- Is cybersex the same as netsex?
Cybersex is known by a number of different names. Some people simply use
"cyber" as the noun and "cybering" as the verb.
Netsex is another name for sharing a sexual experience via a real time chat
programme, as is ircsex. "One handed typing" is a commonly used euphemism
- How can it be sex if you never touch each other?
To answer this question, one would have to define "sex" which is a
very difficult thing to attempt. If one accepts "sex" as being
any interaction between two (or more) people for sexual gratification,
cybersex, along with phone sex and exchanging dirty postcards, can indeed be
defined as a type of sex.
- If it's "only cybersex", is it cheating?
Any question that asks "is it cheating" is difficult to answer,
and really only an individual can determine this by examining their own
relationship and it's rules to find the answer that will be true for them. For
some couples, any form of intimacy, sexual or not, is seen as cheating. For
couples with some degree of "open" partnership it is
likely that cybersex would not be seen as cheating. There is no way an
outsider can make this judgment.
With cybersex, as with any activity that makes you wonder or worry that
it could be an infidelity there is a simple, easy to follow rule: ask
your partner first.
If you feel unable to ask their permission you have answered your own question.
- Are there risks involved in cybersex?
Just as there are emotional risks involved in entering any intimate
relationship, there are emotional risks involved with cybersex. The less
involved with your cybersex partner you are, the less emotional risk you expose
yourself to. Remember it's possible that your cybersex partner is not who
or what they tell you they are.
The physical risks associated with cybersex are less than those associated
with RL sex (you can't get pregnant, AIDS or raped in a chatroom or #channel)
but they are still there. Firstly, there are the same risks you take by giving
any person you do not know well your telephone number or address. It's best to
be cautious about giving these details to anyone. Secondly there are the risks
of masturbating in a place and position you are unfamiliar with. Beware of hot
cups of coffee and of breakables in the vicinity.
And there's always the risk of getting caught in an embarrassing position.