Phone sex is aural sex, or sex using sounds alone. Typically the participants masturbate whilst the other person(s) talk about what they're doing, or they're just shouting out in (usually simulated) orgasmic fury.

Phone sex is a very large business, as can be seen from the sheer volume of phone sex advertisements on late night television. Personally, when I lived in Memphis, Tennessee almost 80% of the ads I saw on the telly at night were phone sex advertisements.

The phone sex companies try to get numbers that spell out sexually suggestive words. I remember one day dialing 1-800 (toll-free) numbers and spelling out words, like 1-800-938-8485, which spells out Wet Tits. It actually worked, believe it or not. My wife and I sat for an hour making up 7 letter sexually-oriented words and dialing them. Some of them were very funny, such as 1-800-BIG-DICK, which my wife dialed four times because she was laughing too hard to hear the entire message (note: message may have changed since 1996). The funniest things were the numbers that spelled out something, such as 1-800-WET-FUCK, which was a produce company at the time. I feel sorry for that receptionist, as I'm sure she gets one or two calls a day from horny lonely guys.

Nodeshell Rescue

Phone sex is useful for when you and your significant other are far away from each other. My boyfriend lives in Oregon, while I live in Pennsylvania; we have some experience with this. A few tips to make your aural experience more enjoyable for both of you:

  • Say "I love you." I've had several phone sex 'sessions' where this was the only English sentence uttered. If you're not close enough to be saying that, then you're probably not close enough to have any meaningful sexual experience.
  • Superlatives and compliments are also nice. "You're so sexy," "You turn me on," and "You're incredible," and things like that really help to ease the nervousness that comes with actually saying what's on your mind.
  • Take full advantage of any linguistic quirks your significant other may have. If she likes whispering, whisper. If he likes screaming, scream. If she likes a specific tone of voice, use it. It will get her going, and knowing you're turning her on is always sexy.
  • This is a good time to whip out any sexy foreign languages you know. However, remember only to use *sexy* foreign languages. This is at your discretion, but generally, romance languages are in, germanics are out. "Quiero cogerte" sounds a lot nicer than "Ich moechte mit dir schlafen." Also, use with caution. Stumbling over a complicated phrase or stopping to ponder Italian grammar will not be sexy.
  • You will have to be louder than usual, in general. If he hears no audible progress, he'll have to keep asking you how you're doing, which breaks up the mood for both of you. It's also best when he knows you've had an orgasm.
  • Webcams can be a lot of fun, but beware of stage-fright. If you're too worried about the other person seeing your faults, you won't be able to get into the experience.
  • Whatever you do, AVOID CHANGING THE SUBJECT. The other person will take it as an "I'm not interested in sex with you right now and I'm trying to avoid the subject entirely." Often, the person will get very turned off because it seems like you don't want them, and... interesting discussion follows when you try and pick up where you left off.
  • Telling him what you'd like to do to him is a very very good thing. Also, telling him about a fantasy you have involving him is typically a huge turn-on.
  • Synchronized orgasms are actually possible with phone sex, since you are the one at the controls, so to speak. Take advantage of this.
  • Make sure no one else will pick up another phone in the household while you're doing it. Similarly, make sure your door is locked.

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