What the fuck would Jesus do?

Would he vote straight ticket? Hate what his parents hate? Alienate and condemn people for their race, beliefs, or sexual preferences? Invade Iraq?

WWJD bracelets were a fad. The idea being that a strip of textile around your wrist would remind you to emulate Christ Almighty when going about your daily life. Those Christians who don't dare to entertain theological thoughts outside of their own denomination's mindset know exactly how to deal with this: Just quietly follow what the preacher tells you every Sunday. That's what Jesus would do. If anyone tells you differently, write it off as persecution.

Because, like Jesus, your particular church is the bastion of morality in this dark, fornicating, carefree world. You've got to be willing to condemn everything in sight that the rest of the white, anglo-saxton protestant world sees as sinful. It's your duty, nay, your purpose as a Christian. That's why your mom and pop bought you one of those cheap little bracelets after they read about them in the weekly newsletter.

And if you come across any of those godless Sodomites just trying to be who they are, it's your duty to give them a hard time. It's gotta be what Jesus would do because just last Sunday the preacher was going on about the moral downfall of America and all that.

But there's someone else there, speaking in defense of the sinner you're trying to ridicule. Saying something about unconditional love while wearing a t-shirt with letters you don't recognize. But the letters, strangely, seem almost familiar...

The magic of WTFWJD comes in its ability to shock the moral-detection senses out of autopilot. Stripped from the casual reader is their ability to immediately judge the user's religious fundamentalism or the exact extent of their vulgarity. One so affected is likely to at least listen to the first few words of the semi-offensive acronym-splicer to see if they offer some explanation or apology for the expression. And those first few words might go something like this:

Jesus was not a hatemonger. He didn't wallow in spite, pride, or prejudice. He didn't care what color you were so long as you treated each other like human beings with simple human regard for the needs of others. This guy got down and washed his disciples' feet while they were busy bickering. He was the most perfect and beautiful being to walk on this planet and you insist on dressing him up as a mascot for whatever divisive, inhumane cause you're promoting this week.

What would Jesus do? Jesus would feel compassion, would take a bullet for a stranger, would mourn loss of life, would do anything to heal suffering.

He wouldn't do it to show us what a great guy he was. He wouldn't do it because it made him popular at parties. He'd do it to make a clear example of what humans are capable of when they believe in love over hate.


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