You're walking along the sidewalk, and you just happen to notice a twenty dollar bill fall out of the back pocket of a guy just ahead.

While sitting in the park in the early evening, feeding the pigeons and laughing at all those adorable, funny little ducks, a scantily-clad young miss wanders over and casually drapes her arm over your crotch. Gosh!

When you are line at the Inspirational rock concert with your friends, and while you authoritatively exposit the various virtues of The Normals, Raze and WoW, you can't help but notice about a dozen unruly people break into line just in front of you.

At the local fast food restaurant, you've just ordered a veggie burger meal with a tall glass of lemonade, but right before your hands touch the container of those lovely foodstuffs a large, hairy arm reaches in front and snatches them away, and loud, obnoxious laughter fills your ears as a man resembling an ambulatory side of beef saunters off, popping fries into his vast, open, bass-like mouth.

Immoral opportunity. Sexual temptation. Unthinking ridicule and pain dispensed by indifferent, even actively cruel, allegedly human tormentors in endless succession.

When life proves too much of a test, when the trials of existence exceed even your remarkable restraint and mild manner, at times such as these, you need only ask yourself a single question to discern the proper solution to whatever problem should come your way.

What Would Cthulhu Do? tm

The answer? Maestro? (In the corner, a deformed, grinning hunchback takes a vinyl LP of "The Ride of the Valkyries" and places it on an aging Victrola.)

Why, he'd rise up from the sunken depths of impossible R'lyeh deep in the Pacific Ocean, in all his horrible majesty, his immense bulk of glistening, pulpy green-purple slime blocking out the sun and dwarfing all petty works of man! A triumphant roar fills the air, audible to all on this pitiful Earth as his cry informs humanity that its time has come! Shambling ashore, he knocks over skyscrapers as if they were matchsticks, the screaming masses fleeing for their lives in vain, as his ten amorphous tentacles stretch forth from his flabby maw to scoop up entire legions apiece! At some terrible, alien whim, his gigantic wings reach out, stretching over the horizon, and with one mighty beat, whole cities are razed! Alongside, the Deep Ones emerge, to reclaim the dry areas of the planet from such pitiable humans that survive the initial onslaught of Great Cthulhu! Soon, his strange and terrible brothers will also emerge from sunken R'lyeh, and they will raven and slay, exulting forever across the surface of the Earth, and the memory of man will be no more.

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