Ia! Ia! Cthulhu ftaghn!
Cthulhu fhtagn. Cthulhu. R'lyeh. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

"...a monster of vaguely anthropoid outline, but with an octopuslike head whose face was a mass of feelers, a scaly, rubbery-looking body, prodigious claws on hind and fore feet, and long, narrow wings behind. This thing, which seemed instinct with a fearsome and unnatural malignancy, was of a somewhat bloated corpulence..."

Onwards Cthulhu Cultists, like in times before
Best get on his good side, or he'll eat us raw!

Great is Lord Cthulhu --- this you ought to know
To get in his good books, while he sleeps below
Imprisoned in Ry'leh, far beneath the waves
Till we liberate him, from his living grave


A monstrous Lovecraftian entity, usually pictured by the masses as a gigantic humanoid with an octopus for a head, who lies "dead but dreaming" in the sunken city of R'lyeh, lying in the deepest depths of the Pacific Ocean.

"It seemed to be a sort of monster, or symbol representing a monster, of a form which only a diseased fancy could conceive. If I say that my somewhat extravagant imagination yielded simultaneous pictures of an octopus, a dragon, and a human caricature, I shall not be unfaithful to the spirit of the thing. A pulpy, tentacled head surmounted a grotesque and scaly body with rudimentary wings; but it was the general outline of the whole which made it most shockingly frightful." -- Call of Cthulhu by H. P. Lovecraft

Lovecraft also tells us that Cthulhu is pronounced "...as nearly as human organs could imitate it or human letters record it - may be taken as something like Khlul'-hloo, with the first syllable pronounced gutturally and very thickly." He goes on to say "The best approximation one can make is to grunt, bark, or cough the imperfectly formed syllables Cluh-Luh with the tip of the tongue firmly affixed to the roof of the mouth. That is, if one is a human being. Directions for other entities are naturally different."

BOB and DOUG:Cthulhu-loo coo coo-loo coo! Cthulhu-loo coo coo loo coo!

BOB: Good day, eh? I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother, Doug.

DOUG: How's it going eh? Welcome to The Great White North!

BOB: Today on the show we're gonna talk about the Great Old Ones, eh?

DOUG: I had some old Molson's eh? In stubbies. They were great old ones until they went all skunky eh?

BOB: Take off you hosehead! We're not talkin' about beer eh?

DOUG: Why not eh? I'm out. Gimme another, you hoser!

BOB: Here you go eh!

DOUG: Beauty!

BOB: So like today we're lookin' at this book, the Necronomicon. Where'd it go eh?

DOUG: That leather book? I took it to the john eh? We're outta TP.

BOB: TAKE OFF! You didn't open it, didja, hosehead?

DOUG: Like, I had to use a couple of pages eh?

The room shakes. The floor begins to crack. Beer spills1.

BOB: Like that's all the time we have today eh? See you next week!

DOUG: Good day eh?

Tentacles begin to writhe through the crack on the floor. One wraps around a two four and hauls it into the depths. Doug leaps after it.

BOB: Give back our brew you ancient hoser!

Bob adjusts his toque and leaps after Doug. The room collapses. Fade to black.

1. This is the horror part, hosehead.

I might also mention that there are web sites that sell Cthulhu plushies. If I remember correctly the slogan was something like this: "You know you want it. And believe us... it wants you too."

Here's a nice song about this... entity, to the tune of Camp Town Ladies. I heard this in BatMud ages ago, and can't remember the original author:

Who's the Elder God we fear?
Cthulhu, Cthulhu
Who will sleep from year to year?
Cthulhu is his name!
We're going to pray all night
we're going to pray all day,
'til he rises from the ocean floor
then we'll run away!

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.