Tell them I’m from the moon.

Tell them I’m here because I could smell the Cinnabons all the way from the Sea of Tranquility.

Tell them I’m also here to ask about the strange men in white suits that kept coming by without saying a word.


Tell them I’m from Frostbite Falls, Minnesota.

Tell them I would go back, except that the place is so small, when I left it I couldn’t find it again.

Tell them I never knew of any moose or flying squirrels in the town, and that the whole story was probably a fabrication of Stinky Joe after he claimed to have killed a moose with a squirrel gun.


Tell them I’m from the depths of the sea.

Tell them I’m actually an appendage of the Kraken, and there’s a long, extremely thin filament connecting me back to the beast, no matter where I go.

Tell them I herald its coming, and that those who are wise will freely offer themselves to the beast, else it choose to topple all the coastal cities.


Tell them anything.

But please

Don’t tell them the truth.

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