Spides are, essentially, a Norn Iron version of the ubiquitous Ned.

Although similarly attired in brightly-coloured Kappa shell-suits and tasteless jewelry proclaiming the name of their favourite football team, and whilst sharing hobbies such as drinking, listening to techno music and driving modded Vauxhall Novas, there are several marked differences.

Firstly, the shitty techno music listened to while driving is sometimes interspersed with, or completely superceded by, shitty hip-hop or rap music.

Secondly, a spide's street-corner beverage of choice is not Buckfast, but cider or Vodka and Red Bull.

Thirdly, and possibly most importantly, is the combination of barcode moustache and razor-shaved head. In a sort-of reversal of the logic behind barcode hair, many teenage spides will attempt to grow a moustache in order to look older. Being barely post-pubescent, the best most spides can manage is a pitiful line of bumfluff closely resembling a barcode. In some circles this practise is replaced with that of growing ridiculous sideburns.

Common sayings of the average spide include "Fock", "Ballix", "Let's all get shwalled, leek" and "Ah, ye fockin' hippy!".

Female spides are sometimes referred to as milleys. Their appearance and behaviour is almost identical to that of the female Ned.

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