B-Side of
Placebo's 1998 single
Pure Morning. For me though, it's
so much more.
I still don't understand why I dated
that girl for so long, but I did. It was a year of violence, bad sex, and barely-contained
mutual loathing. But for some reason we refused to go our seperate ways. So in this year of misery, any
ray of happiness was appreciated.
One thing we had in common was music. We both really liked Placebo when they first appeared on the scene, and had lapped up their first album. We were out one Friday night when we walked past Virgin and saw that the new single was one sale. Without even looking at each other, we both ran to the display and grabbed a copy.
We went out partying that night, collapsed home late at night and slept deeply. The next morning we lay in bed, drinking tea and nursing our hangovers. I remembered the copy of Pure Morning I had in my pocket. I put it on.
The first two songs were pretty standard punk-pop Placebo stuff. But it was this song that really caught our attention. A sort of Burt Bacharach-ey synth lounge music kind of song, with sweet vocals in French. It was charming. We put it on repeat and began dancing.
The song went:
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Une présence ambigüe,
Une présence inconnue,
Jusqu'a ce que j'en peux plus,
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Une présence ambigüe,
Une présence inconnue,
Jusqu'a ce que j'en peux plus,
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Une présence ambigüe,
Une présence inconnue,
Jusqu'a ce que j'en peux plus
It was probably
the sweetest moment in the whole time I was with that girl. For a few minutes, it felt a bit like love.
Of course it wasn't. It all went to shit not too long after. The breakup was horrific, invloving both murder and suicide attempts. But not to long afterwards I met someone else. A French girl who I loved passionately, who consumed my whole world. While the other one attempted to destroy my life, she became my life. I immersed myself in her.
One day, when my old life was a distant memory, and I was lying in bed with my new love, I was looking for some music to put on. Pure Morning had been relegated far to the back of my collection. I looked at it, and thought about the song. I still didn't know what any of the words actually meant. And now there was a native French speaker in my bed, willing to do anything. A bit of translation would not be too much to ask.
I decided to tell her the story behind the song. She wasn't happy to hear something from my previous relationship, but she agreed to listen and translate it. I put the CD on, nervous that I might upset her or make her think that I still held some lingering affection for the other one.
I pressed play.
She looked at me during the first line, then exploded with laughter. She laughed so hard she fell out of bed, and lay on the ground shaking for a full 20 minutes. Eventually when the song was long over, she agreed to translate it for me.
I played the song again. Tears streamed down her eyes as she explained the lyrics to me:
Kiss me, put your finger up my ass,
Kiss me, put your finger up my ass,
An ambiguous presence,
An unknown presence,
Until I can't take it anymore,
Kiss me, put your finger up my ass,
Kiss me, put your finger up my ass,
An ambiguous presence,
An unknown presence,
Until I can't take it anymore,
Kiss me, put your finger up my ass,
Kiss me, put your finger up my ass,
An ambiguous presence,
An unknown presence,
Until I can't take it anymore
In a weird way, that sums up both relationships.