This song, written in 1998, is not just a song, but (in imagination at least) an entire show, which the author satirically commented "consists of only one song, sung over and over and over and over again)."

In an eerily prescient moment, Judy Fjell said of this piece, "This particular topical piece may only be good for fifteen minutes, especially if we bomb Iraq, so here goes...."


My mind is made up, don't confuse me with the facts
I'm the special prosecutor, got a budget to the max
The people have the right to know just exactly how
The Clintons, Bill and Hillary, lost that sixty-eight thou

Kenneth Starr, it may be necessary to explain, was the counsel appointed to investigate charges against then-President Bill Clinton. He was initially investigating "Whitewater," (the allegations that the Clinton administration used nepotism when booking their flights and other travel arrangements), and the death of Vince Foster (who apparently committed suicide and was rumored to be having an affair with the First Lady). He discovered allegations that the President had been having an affair with White House intern Monica Lewinsky, and compiled The Starr Report, four hundred and forty-five pages alleging that the President had lied repeatedly in a manner requiring impeachment.

They're criminals I'm sure of it
They're up to their eyeballs in the manure of it
Whitewater puts the Savings and Loan and Watergate to shame
The Clintons are giving Washington such a bad name

The hearings, like the report, just seemed to go on and on and on - hence Fjell's description of the Revue. I like to imagine it being performed by a thousand Muppet clones of Kenneth Starr, all doing high kicks.

Unfortunately, Mr. Starr was not above underhanded dealings of his own:

My mind is made up I've got the right to grab at straws
Like putting a little microphone in a certain woman's bra
Did you hear what Monica told her, why it makes me catch my breath
He perjures himself for a blow job, it's the kiss of political death

Besides turning his witnesses into walking bugs complete with hidden tape recorders, Starr bribed Lewinsky, offering her immunity if she would give a full account of what happened, convinced her not to call her lawyer when they first met, hid his ties to the Paula Jones case from Attorney General Janet Reno, and made Lewinsky's mother testify about her daughter's sexual indiscretions.

For that matter, Starr had previously defended Brown & Williamson tobacco in a class action suit, and claimed (on a call-in show on C-SPAN) that any discrepancies between his testimony and the official findings in the Foster investigation were a "cost issue." And on and on.

He's the lowest form of life upon the planet
It's mine to prove thanks to Congress and General Janet
I won't let you down America your prurient interests are mine

The investigation into Clinton's sexual peccadilloes entertained everyone at first, but people quickly became annoyed and then angry enough with the way Starr stretched it out that they began attacking him and dragging up every mistake they could find.

The entire "'Gate" was a media circus, with many major news outlets trying to feed the frenzy long after the public lost all interest and begged them to stop. Starr himself was demoted to rookie partner in his law firm, and many organizations including the D.C. Bar Association began inquiries into his conduct.

eliserh adds, "Interesting note: Kenneth Starr had tons of conflicts of interest. It was unethical for him to take the special prosecutor job in the first place."

Just give me another forty million to uncover the rest of the slime
It might take a couple more years for Bill to commit his worst crime
But I've got the time
I'm Kenneth Starr

I'll try to spare the reader my own political opinions about things that presidents do that should or should not get them impeached. Many a bumper sticker or political picket sign is being produced these days expressing nostalgia for the days when CNN was devoted to hours of judicial hearings instead of hours of war and occupation coverage. Rather than dying out for being too rooted in the politics of the moment, perhaps this song will enjoy a revival for its reminder of brighter days.

This writeup has been CST Approved!

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