June 6, 2006

The second saddest thing I have seen

I wake up early for work… This particular morning I had to begin teaching a lifeguarding class. I have never really done well in the mornings, and this one was no exception. In a daze, I got in my car and started it, and began making my way up the street, toward the highway.

After I crested the hill, I saw a figure lying in the street. It was the neighbor’s cat. Its body rested limp on the pavement, twisted and broken by the car that must have struck it the night before. I as I drove past, I caught a glimpse of its face, a grimace of shock and pain.

I do not even know these neighbors. I am sure I have seen them pick up their paper, or take out the trash once or twice, but I sleep at my house, and that is about it. They are probably nice enough people, their yard is maintained, and I know they have a kid or two.

At this hour, they are probably still sleeping. I wonder if they even noticed the cat had not come in for the night.

I slowed down as I passed. I contemplated moving the cat, throwing the body in a dumpster down at the end of the street.

What would be worse, finding the bloody, broken body in the street beyond the driveway, or wondering why the cat never came home one night? Is it better to know fate, or be left to wonder?

I wonder if the person who hit the cat cared. They did not stop, just left the evidence to be discovered. I do not know how old their kid is, but all the same, I imagined him coming outside to catch the school bus, and having his world crash around his shoulders.

Going to school is bad enough, having to face mortality beforehand seems unbearable.

Maybe the person driving the car cared too much. Maybe they were so upset and scared they could not take responsibility for the act. Maybe they could not resist the urge to flee. I wonder if they slept at all that night. Do people lose sleep over killing a housecat?

I did not move the cat. I bet the kid will lose sleep tonight.

This must be part of growing up, although the portion of me that craves the innocence and light of childhood says I should have moved the body.

On the other hand, is shielding someone from reality really doing them a service?

After all, I don’t even know these neighbors.

It is unnerving how the weirdest thoughts / plans constantly spring up in one's mind at moments when least needed. More so when these moments happen to be short-breathers in the middle of an exam. Take for example today. Computer Networks - II. One of the few (and by this I mean REALLY few) subjects I actually paid attention to during the entire semester, so the entire motions were going to be nothing short of a formality.

One glance at the question paper and whatever apprehensions I may have had were erased. Believe me, walking down supposedly empty hallways at 2 in the morning only to be greeted with a - "So, everything's done huh ? You all set ?" at just about every corner can raise doubts in the steadiest of minds. I wont even go into the details of the poor ones who discover (much to their horror) the subjects a night before the day of reckoning.

So anyway, getting back to the exams. Two hours into the paper and I am all done, idly flipping through the hasty scribbles and extravagant free-hand drawings that the once serene sheet has been reduced to. Black Noise. Ready to leave I do a quick 360 and survey the rest of the class. Most have their heads down furiously regurgitating last night's effort while others stare off into the distance, the present a mere transition period. Those who do look at me are met with the widest grin ever - all the white and not-so-white lined up rather haphazardly.

Not quite ready to leave, I push my paper aside and give free reign to my thoughts. Carry me where you will. Since summer is coming up and I have quite a few plans chalked out (in-mind) I decide to form a quick and dirty list (once again in-mind, atleast up till now) and these are the things I came up with :

1) Get FIT. Seriously, I have become addicted to my desk and my bed and it shows. Gotta get atleast 4 inches off and back into those 28" which have since long been claimed by the winged dullards

2) My own web-site(from scratch). This is an idea I have been toying around with for quite some time and has been delayed enough as is. HTML, PHP, CSS and some-more shall then be my weapons of choice to unleash the pent-up creative skills (no kidding!!). Actually I am pretty gray in this area and so will need to do some research before I jump in. Suggestions welcome.

3) A linux based application for listing Windows file-shares on my dorm network. A lot of friends including me have felt the need for one and so have decided to go ahead and one ourselves. A friend is handling the GUI with me doing the core.

4) A new language. This would be awesome if only I could select one from the multitude that I yearn to learn. Japanese / Greek / Spanish top the list with about 50 more trailing. Now if only..

5) Arrange an internship somewhere, someplace. This is gonna be one of the hardest things to do, but if the ACM results and my college lab experience doesnt excite them I dont know what will. Also being part of the course this is one that cannot be skipped.

So there it is. A brief (well I tried) introduction to how my summer is going to go, hopefully. I would love to stop and chat some more on the details of the multithreading mechanism implemented in the yet-imaginary scanner but unfortunately I have another paper to study for.

Yes, it is 06/06/06 today. 666. Big damn deal! Six hundred sixty-six is simply a number between six hundred sixty-five and six hundred sixty-seven.

Besides, even if Satan came up from the deepest pits of hell (like Satan is even really in hell right now, everyone knows he isn't) today, I feel like I could kick his ass. Satan, big deal, I've probably taken down worse.

Now this God fella, he's where it's at. Can't go wrong with him. I hear he's so good he will never leave you nor forsake you. If he has the gusto to stay with me no matter what...

Who needs a girlfriend? I'm beginning to think God could love me better than any woman ever could...

But I can't hold God in my arms...

Well, whatever.

Anyway, I started a Savings Account recently. I put some back for it whenever I have a few dollars to spare. A little adds up over time. With this money, eventually I will:

1) Get back in college; College gave me so many wonderful opportunities.

2) Insure my car; so I can get my driver liscense and take my own bum ass where I need to go without having to walk myself to death... I never thought I would actually get tired of walking... but I did.

3) Get the internet at home; So I won't have to go to the library every time I take the notion to check my email or put something on E2.

4) Get sattelite or cable TV; so I can watch a lot of the old shows I miss. And laugh at the craziness of new ones.

5) See a doctor; Because I think I have some man-problems and it has been so damn long since I have had a general checkup.

And still have some put back to help me out when I get elderly. Because the way things are going now, there very well may not be a social security by the time I can retire, assuming the retirement age doesn't increase... again!

Also, she gave me a bracelet. It is pretty, and it has the word "FREEDOM" on it. She said "I want you to have this. Because I really like you, Charlie, but I know your mother will hurt me if I try to be with you, and I'm scared of her."

I may never take it off. I told Mom I found it in the street. For those who want more info, see my writeup for June 5, 2006.

I look to the future not with fear, but with confidence, because I know who I am, and I can handle it, whatever it is.

Just a week ago, I found two of the Eight Lectures on Yoga by Aleister Crowley here on E2. Interesting stuff, but six lectures still unnoded. So I searched for the original book on Amazon and ordered it. Secondhand, estimated date of delivery 3rd of July.

It arrived today :) A book by Aleister Crowley, arriving a month early, on 06/06/06. There's even 666 on the cover. I'm still wondering if the sender went for this effect on purpose. Or perhaps the devil has indeed had a busy day...