I'm quite mad at Burger King. Well, perhaps mad isn't the right word, I'm more deeply disappointed. And appalled.

I went to Burger King today and picked up their kids' magazine. Yeah, that same thing you read when you were little and then sent in the club membership form. You felt soo cool when that card came in the mail. Anyway, so I picked up this magazine/fun book because it was about Lord of the Rings movie. I looked through it and it seemed pretty basic. It had a color the picture of Frodo, a word scamble, and a maze of Saruman's castle. As I looked closer I also saw a strip of gold on the side with some elfish lettering on it. An arrow pointed to it and said to have an adult help you make you and your friends your own fellowship rings.

Ok, perhaps its just me, but does this not sit well with anyone else that has read the Lord of the Rings books?? Isn't the point of the books that we must DESTROY the ring? Gandalf points out many times to Frodo that you should NOT except in extreme situations wear the ring. The ring must be destroyed, not used. If you wear you come under the power of evil and Sauron. Now if I'm a parent, I don't exactly want my kid wearing a ring like that, no matter how fake it is.

This is probably the first time I am seriously considering writing a letter to a major corporation. Usually I decide that my complaint is quite small and trivial, but this seems a bit too much.

I have to wonder what kind of people make those magazine fun books.

What an interesting and wonderful month! I was encouraged strongly, not by my boss, but by my boss's boss, to take Christmas off. Why, you ask, was I even considering not taking Christmas off? Well, we're (at my company, in my department), under a lot of deadline pressure).

Anyhow, most of my family was together over Christmas, except for my sister and brother-in-law, who are in Germany until September, at which time he is going to be transferred to Missouri. (For the curious, he is one step over the infantryman, but it does not necessarily help his safety in the Army... he is in the group that goes and builds bridges and blows up mines ahead of the infantry... Yikes!!!!

Thursday, I was able to see the Olympic Torch and carrier...it was exciting! They passed about two blocks from my work, and I went with several other people from work, and we were right there.... we saw the (cute) young woman get out of the van, then she jogged a few yards back (with the unlit torch...out of our view...) and took the "handoff". Then she jogged past us.... we all cheered :-) and it was WONDERFUL!!!!! I was 10 feet away!!! I'll never forget it. :-D

My Girlfriend persists. She continues to bring ice cubes to bed with her. I tell her I think it's not healthy. I explain the disadvantages. She refuses to talk about it. Everynight, whether we are turning out the lights together or separately, there they are. Cold and sharp, down at the foot of the bed. I roll over, but they seem to follow me-pressing against my legs or my back. I pull away and wrap the blanket around myself but still, there they are.

Some day that woman will wear socks to bed, I swear.

It's my birthday today, she says.

Happy Birthday I reply, only to have her profess her intention to kill herself.

She is twenty nine.

No Job, No Health Care, No Husband, No Child, No Car, going crazy. Quite literally.

I tell her what a stupid idea it is and I run a large gambit of an argument against suicide, not because I know her life will turn out for the best but because it is depressing to know she would cease to live.

I can fix this really easily, she says, and you can help.

How, I say?

Knock me up, she says, then I can get on welfare and get the medical attention I need.

Why can't you get the attention you need now, I ask?

She says she goes into the ER and they send her home because the tests they need have to be run by a private doctor she can't afford. They send her home with an anxiety attack.

She has no sense of priorities. She sells her car and her books and everything else to maintain an internet connection. She cannot hold down a job. She does not like having more than one person talk to her at once because it makes her break down in tears crying.

I long for the sleep of the Wicked. That sleep which is unconcerned with the plight of fellow man. That sleep which disregards reality and allows the wicked to fall into that comfortable euphoria that is sleep.

I do not know how to respond to such a thing. All of the desperation and depravity around me makes me insane. This is her solution and I do not like it. I do not like the idea of a child I cannot support, that she can probably not support either, being born and wondering where Daddy is, why Mommy can't get a job. She says it would give her a pourpose in life but she does not seem to be able to find one outside of her solution. It is a bad idea. She is only looking for a gamete supplier.

I cannot think of a way to convince her of herself.

It seems the only way she wishes to exist is vicariously through her, as of yet, unexistant child. I could not support the child if it were dumped on me. I could not go to college were I confronted with such a responsibility. It is an unfair request she had made of me. A faustian bargain. In essence, something she could turn into her life for mine.

Such a decision inevitably confronts one with his own mortality, but I can avoid such thoughts. She cannot support herself, how can she support the child? Welfare. How would I get to St. Louis? Greyhound. No. This is a bad idea. "But I am a miserable, useless wretch." she argues. I am not qualified to comment on her usefulness or lack thereof. What can you really use as a moral compass in such a situation?

What would Jesus do? What would DMan do? What does the bible say? What would my parents say? What would my child think? Would it even be my child? Who would be the real father, other than me? How can I even consider making such a decision? Is it immoral for me to deny such a request?

This is the future, the end of days. This is the post apocylaptic steampunk universe we have crawled into. The depths of the cities and the farms alike. The world where no man dare tread for he would be unlikely to return. Yes, this is indeed hell we have created in America.
My Sci-fi Channel Haiku for today:

Oooo! Monster Island!
Dude! I LOVE Monster Island!
I just wet my pants!

Josh and I were acquaintances at best.

I would see him every now and then with Trevor. Never knew his name before the beginning of this semester so whenever I made reference to him I labeled him as "blond guy that hangs with Trevor". Because until a few days ago that was all he was to me.

When Ashleigh IM'ed two days ago and asked if I knew a Josh Myers I really had to give it some thought. The name sounded a bit familiar, and since I was curious as to what her motive was I went ahead and typed "yeah".

"Did you hear what happened to him?"

No, what happened?
I figured he had gotten arrested for drugs or something because that was the type of guy he was. While I waited for her answer I took out my yearbook and scanned the pages until I found the name. When I saw the picture I recognized him as a guy that ate lunch with me.

The "blonde guy that hangs with Trevor". So I actually did know him.

But what she said next shocked me.

She told me that he had died in a car wreck the day after Christmas. I really didn't know what to say. She told me the details about how he was late coming his girlfriend's house and had some how lost control and hit a tree. Later I found out from other people that something must have jumped out into the road and he swerved to avoid colliding with it. He went over a median, hit a tree and his car flipped. Upon landing it burst into flames. The police could not identify the body. No way to tell his race or gender because of the burns.

Josh is the first person I ever "knew" my age that died innocently. He wasn't DUI, he wasn't involved in gang and/or drug violence, and he didn't commit suicide like any of the other people I know. He was doing something I myself do everyday. Except he died. This is the first time I am actually scared. People always say that if you don't do this, then this won't happen. But what do you do when death comes when your just trying to live?

I thought about going to Josh's funeral today, but I'm a coward. I don't want to deal with reality. I don't want to admit that it could happen to me. I just want to live.

Girard Joshua Myers IV
1983-December 26, 2001

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