Class of Nuke 'Em High 3: The Good, the Bad and the Subhumanoid (1994) - My Rating: {>---} (Icky) {{ Prequel - Sequel}}

Please note that this review is laden with spoilers.

I fondly remember watching a few of the early Troma films when I was in Junior High. At various times I was able to rent Class of Nuke “Em High and The Toxic Avenger. I loved them both, all my friends loved them both. Troma films were like the height of entertainment for thirteen year olds, bodacious babes, tough guys, nuclear mutants, cheesy jokes and boobies. Gone with the Wind has nothing on those movies.

So when I saw this movie at the video store for a mere $2 I immediately snapped it up. It wasn’t even a former rental. The thing was still in shrink wrap.

Body count: A bunch of mutants die near the beginning. They all melt down into goo. Later on Dr. Slag, PhD has a woman killed to test something. Finally at the end both Dick and Adlai melt down and merge into some sort of nuclear egg. There may have been some other deaths, as well, but I can’t seem to recall any more of them.

Plot Outline: This movie actually does have a plot, it is just completely insane.

A gigantic mutant squirrel destroys the Tromaville nuclear power plant, but Roger Smith (Brick Bronski) manages to defeat it. During the closing credits there is an advertisement listing the giant squirrel costume as up for sale.

There used to be a bunch of people running around called subhumanoids. The subhumanoids were mostly like humans, but they have an extra mouth on their stomach and they grow to adulthood in two years. They can only reproduce by mating with normal humans.

In the interests of subhumanoid reproduction the college institutes a program paying people $8 an hour to mate with the subhumanoids (apparently while blindfolded). Roger meets a subhumanoid girl and falls in love with her. Meanwhile one of those random crappy evil plots comes to fruition and all the subhumanoids melt down into green goo. The only one who survives is Roger’s (quite pregnant) girlfriend.

She eventually gives birth, but during the birthing Dr. Slag PhD. And company break into the hospital, incapacitate the hospital staff and steal the baby. They then leave, the hospital staff comes around, just in time to see the birth of the second baby. No one realizes that there were two of them.

Subhumanoids grow up in two years, so the twin and the evil twin quickly grow up. The evil twin is Dick and he spends most all of his time training to be evil. While the good twin is Adlai, who goes to the college where he studies entomology, and loves his hot girlfriend and boll weevils.

Adlai begins to develop superpowers in his hand, while his evil twin Dick goes on the rampage. Eventually the movie ends with both of them turning into a nuclear egg, which is placed in the nuclear power plant, and turns into one baby subhumanoid.

My Opinion: This movie would have been much, much more enjoyable if I had seen it when I was thirteen. Coming into this thing as an adult I found it to be slightly tedious. The Troma movies are often a visual feast. They are just loaded with crazy costumes, and hot girls. But the movie went a bit long, at one hour and forty two minutes it was a bit long for this type of film. Strategic cutting of about 15 minutes would have made it a bit of a stronger film.

Don’t watch this one by yourself. It is only worth watching if you have some friends around to help you ridicule it.

Interesting Notes:
  • This movie recycles quite a bit of material from Nuke ’Em High 2 and from other Troma movies.
  • This movie breaks the fourth wall more times than any I have ever seen. They mention the previous films by name. There are posters for the previous movies on the walls. At the end they even mention the next movie in the series.
  • Ron Jeremy does a single scene in this movie, and is the only recognizable face in the entire film.
  • The production values on the movie and VHS tape are so cheap that it is recorded in EP mode. That is the low quality setting that people use at home to record 6 hours per tape. Normally VHS films come recorded at the highest quality setting.
Fun Quotes!
  • "I just can‘t stop watching bad-ass low budget movies!" - Random dude in hospital
  • "Check the focus on her melon-heavy breasts" - Professor Holt
  • "It‘s OK. I like having blue balls!" - Adlai Smith

Lead roles:

Directed by: Eric Louzil

Writing credits: Stephen Gerard, Lloyd Kaufman, Eric Louzil, Carl Morano, Mark F. Roling, Jeffrey Sass and Matt Unger.

Tagline: Starring Brick Bronski (Featured in Van Damme’s The Quest).

Sources: The oh-so-wonderful IMDB, my head, and watching the sucker. A big thanks to weasello for the format used.

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