In the spirit of the Cougar vs. Bear argument viciously mused by Phil Giroux and Glen Humplick on The Tom Green Show, I Present to you, Chopstick vs. Fork. Which is the more better eating utensil? No one knows for sure, that is why I created this node. I hope that you everythingians will use this node as a repository for your arguments on this subject. And now I give you my thoughts on this subject:

In a fight
Theoreticaly if fork and chopstick got in a fight (You got wasabi in my mashed potatoes! You got mashed potatoes in my wasabi!), chopsticks would win hands down by sheer numbers alone. Two against one, strength in numbers. Before fork is able to throw the fist punch, those two chopsticks would be going kung pao style crazy on its metalic ass. Chopsticks 1, Fork 0

Now in a real fight, used as weapons, a fork wielding thug would have the advantage. Sharp prongs would readily pierce any unprotected flesh. Chopsticks would just break applied to one's body in a quick strong fashion. Chopsticks 1, Fork 1

As tools
The ass end of a fork can serve as a screw driver, but only for really large screws, so it's basically useless. Now chopsticks, are very useful. Need to pick up or place something delicate (screws, adhesive jobs etc.)? Chopsticks can easily do that. Chopsticks 2, Fork 1

As Eating Utensils
Now this is a really sensitve area. Forks are multifunction tools. They can cleave, pierce, and easily lift most food items into a mouth. In extreme situations forks can even act as spoons (eating a bowl of wheaties with a fork). On the other hand, chopsticks are also extremly usefull at the table. They can easily shovel mass quantities of food into one's mouth really quickly. They can also pierce troublesome rations and can be used to grasp a wide variety of multi-sized things. In this case, I'll have to side with the fork. It's a better cutting tool. Chopsticks 2, Fork 2

By their features alone, chopsticks and forks are essentialy equal. But because I am biased, I'll have to side with chopsticks. 9 out of 10 doctors agree that chopsticks will get you laid (they are soooo trendy!) end transmission

In a fight
Chopsticks are made of all sorts of materials. But even your average wooden chopstick is strong enough be used as a deadly stabbing weapon when wielded properly. A pair of stainless steel chopsticks is lethal in anyone's hands. One must also remember that a pair of chopsticks is longer than your average fork, and so has better reach in a combat situation.

As Eating Utensils
With a chopstick, you can cleve, pierce, and lift any given object to your mouth. Furthermore, you have two options to cut a given piece of food. You can either squeeze the object between the pair of chopsticks, or you can stab the chopstick into the middle of the object and pull outwards.

Also, ivory chopsticks will change color when exposed to certain kinds of food poison. Useful as a last line of defense against potential assasinations.

Therefore, the proper score is really 3 to 0.

I disagree with the methodology of the test. Forks are rarely used alone. In much the same way as a single chopstick isn't used alone. Forks are used in the standard 'Knife and Fork' formation, and it is thus it must be judged.

In a fight, numbers are equal (one knife and one fork vs. two chopsticks), so only the individual lethality can be considered. Now that the noble fork isn't deprived of its long-time comrade-in-arms, the fork-wielding combatant now gets to take a knife into the fight. And if he's just been eating a steak, can we guess the outcome?

Knife and fork 1 - 0 Chopsticks

As tools, the western combination can:

  • Saw (knife),
  • Turn screws (knife),
  • Pierce (both),
  • Hammer (handles of either, mainly fork),
  • Pick things up (mainly fork)

Whereas the Chopsticks can:

  • Move things,
  • Pick things up,
  • Pierce certain things.

So, the score now sits at Knife and fork 2 - 0 Chopsticks

As eating utensils, chopsticks have four functions: gripping between the two; applying pressure along the edge of one; 'scooping' using the combined facings of both; and applying pressure at the tip of one.

The first of these actions is useful for picking up larger pieces such as chunks of meat or vegetables. Something easily done by a fork, with a minimum of dextrous fuss.

The second is used for splitting larger portions into smaller ones, something which most would agree is the strongest function of the knife-fork combo.

The third, 'scooping' function, relies on surface area of the upward-facing side, maximised by placing the sticks together, perhaps with a slight gap, but slight enough still to hold the 'target'. A knife turned sideways will nearly always have a greater surface area, and would therefore be capable of creating a greater turnover than the traditionally eastern model.

And finally, the 'stabbing' motion is the undisputed domain of the fork, capable of a greater pressure of piercing motion, and capable of multiple simultaneous piercings. Truly, the clear winner.

And so, at the final whistle, the scores are: Knife and Fork 3 - 0 Chopsticks

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