I have in front of me an unopened can of CRUNK!!! Energy Drink, hereafter referred to as Crunk. My local Country Farms (formerly Cumberland Farms) has been advertising this for some time, and I picked up some of it. I must say, I am very impressed thus far. Along the top and bottom rim are, respectively, a list of verbs that Crunk does, and what it contains.

Replenish * Stimulate * Refresh * Invigorate * Arouse * Energize *

Guarana * Skullcap * White Willow * Horny Goat Weed * Ginseng *

Between these two layers is the heavily upward-slanted Crunk logo, which is excessively punctuated. Above it is a plea to "Serve Chilled", and below it "Energy Drink", followed by, in smaller print,
"No Artificial Colors, Flavors, or Preservatives
Contains Real Pomegranate Juice".
Above and to the left of the logo is "GET CRUNK!!!" Below and to the right, "with Ashwagandha". Whatever the fuck that is.

I think you may have an idea why I am already impressed with this beverage. Also it has a pretty black and red can. NOW: Boring Stuff.


NEVER MIND! In my searches for ingredients, I have just uncovered that this drink is endorsed by Lil Jon, the KING of CRUNK!!! Man, this is just too cool. Visit http://www.crunkenergydrink.com/ for all the details.


**Proprietary Blend (300mgs.) Caffeine (100mg), Inositol, Green Tea Leaf, Damiana (leaf), L-Carnitine, Licorice (root), Guarana (seed), L-Tyrosine, Horny Goat Weed (whole plant), N Acetyl L-Cysteine, Ginkgo Biloba (leaves), Panax Ginseng (root), Grape Seed Extract, Skullcap (whole plant), Ashwagandha (root), White Willow (bark), Selenium Amino Acid Chelate, Milk Thistle (seed)

**Other Ingredients Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Citric Acid, Sodium Citrate, Calcium Lactate, Natural Flavors, Black Carrot Extract (for color), Pomegranate Juice from Concentrate, Magnesium Lactate, Ascorbic Acid, Vitamin E Acetate, Niacinamide (vit. B3), Pantothenic Acid (vit. B5), Pyridoxine HCL (vit. B6), Riboflavin (vit. B2), Thiamin HCL (vit. B1), Cyanocobalamin (vit. B12)

Nutrition Facts Serving Size: 1 Can (246 ml) Calories - 120 Total Carb. - 29 g (10%) Sugars - 29 g Vitamin C - 30 mg (50%) Vitamin E - 7.5 i.u. (25%) Vitamin B1 - 1.5 mg (25%) Vitamin B2 - 1.7 mg (100%) Vitamin B3 - 20 mg (100%) Vitamin B6 - 2 mg (100%) Vitamin B12 - 6 mcg (100%) Vitamin B5 - 10 mg (100%) Calcium - 50 mg (100%) Magnesium - 12 mg (3%) Sodium - 115 mg (5%)

This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

/me puts on "Get Low", just because it's the only song I have of Lil Jon's. Legally obtained, of course

MOMENT OF TRUTH YO: I am popping the red tab. It is pink. The beverage is. It tastes GOOD. Like pomegranate. Like acid. Like Ashwagandha! After 2 sips, I do not hesitate to recommend this to everyone I know. This is now up there with Bawls as one of my favorite drinks.

I have just combined it with Bawls. It tastes damn good, but it kind of corrupts Bawls' crisper taste. Not worth it, I'd say. Adding orange juice creates something that is like seltzer+OJ, with a pleasant aftertaste.


DISCLAIMER: I am very caffeine-high right now holy shit my hands are shaking UPDATE: My body is sending me a signal. It says "Holy crap dude you have eaten nothing but sugar and caffeine all day and this delicious yet highly acidic beverage is a BAD move at this juncture in our relationship" and it is sending this signal in the form of nausea. My advice is to enjoy with breakfast, not with a Zero bar and 4 in the morning.

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