"This case has had full analyzation and has been looked at a lot. I understand the emotionality of death penalty cases."--Republican Presidential Candidate George W. Bush, as quoted in Seattle Post-Intelligencer, June 23, 2000

"I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating."

Actually, I—this may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about—when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me."—Republican Presidential Candidate George W. Bush quoted in U.S. News & World Report, April 3, 2000

"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."-Republican Presidential Candidate George W. Bush quoted in Reuters, May 5, 2000

"Unfairly but truthfully, our party has been tagged as being against things. Anti-immigrant, for example. And we're not a party of anti-immigrants. Quite the opposite. We're a party that welcomes people."—Cleveland, July 1, 2000

Anybody scared yet?
I am.

The above borrowed from "The Complete Bushisms Updated weekly," Compiled by Jacob Weisberg, http://politics.slate.msn.com/Features/bushisms/bushisms.asp. I highly recommend.

In the Wise Words of President Bush ...
Far from being an eloquent speaker, Bush provides great laughs

The first couple of months of President George W. Bush's term in office have provided us with some memorable comedic moments. I don't know if it's from the coke or the booze, but the man cannot talk. I have yet to hear him clearly present a complete thought.

What makes it even more entertaining, though, is that Bush loves to talk. He seems to be totally unaware that the whole country is laughing at him, or at least trying to stifle its laughter as he poops out sentence after meaningless sentence. But why should I continue ridiculing him when he does a better job of it himself? Let the show begin.

Bush realized he was entering a hostile Washington two months ago. He claimed that people had "misunderestimated" him. I would concur, except that I would not be sure what I was concurring with, considering that "misunderestimated" is not a word. But even with this misunderestimation, he would like to assure us that he is capable of the job at hand. One of his goals while in office will be to make America a "literate country and a hopefuller country," which will be easily accomplished, as he is well-informed of each of the three branches' governmental roles. According to a Nov. 22 interview conducted in Texas: "It's the executive branch's job to interpret law." Despite this insignificant misinformation, Dubya is "hopefuller" about our country's future. In a Dec. 8 interview, he said to an Austin source: "The greatest thing about America is that everybody should vote." Well that's true, but is that really the greatest thing about America? I thought the most depressing thing about America is that everybody should vote but hardly anyone does. But don't judge Bush too quickly. He and Dick Cheney have set before them an ambitious agenda (especially considering the brain power they have to work with). Bush has been heavily endorsing his tax cut plan recently: "My pan plays down an unprecedented amount of our national debt." And I have no doubt that his pan will do that. Bush would like to be a strong president so as to continue "preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well," because we all know his predecessors will be affected by his performance in office. One of my favorite Bushisms consists of Bush explaining the ambitious climate in the District of Columbia: "I know there is a lot of ambition in Washington, obviously. But I hope the ambitious realize that they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure." So that means success is better than failure? Thanks for clarifying, Dubya. We weren't sure about that one. In the arena of foreign policy, Dubya has been busy clarifying his administration's position, which is that it likes everyone. In case our neighbors up north were having doubts, Bush tried to make clear that we want to be friends with Canada: "I confirmed to the prime minister that we appreciate our friendship." I'm sure Prime Minister Jean Chretien is grateful that Bush likes being friends with himself.

Defense has also become a key issue in the agenda of his new administration. Bush would like to have "a ballistic defense system so that we can make the world more peaceful, and at the same time I want to reduce our own nuclear capacities to the level commiserate with keeping the peace." I looked "commiserate" up in the dictionary and I don't think Bush's objective was to feel the peace.

Bush has also become interested in discontinuing the U.S. participation in NATO. Using one of his more well-thought sentences, he unsuccessfully explained the task of removing the country from NATO: "Redefining the role of the United States from enablers to keep the peace to enablers to keep the peace from peacekeepers is going to be an assignment." So we have to enable ourselves to keep the peace as well as keeping the peace from the peacekeepers. And what percentage of the United States understood that sentence? Yeah, two of us. And neither of them was you, Dubya. If those controlling you wanted to advocate the United States leaving NATO, why not just say that, instead of tripping over yourself more than once in the same sentence?

Mr. Eloquent has been hard at work formulating his positions on domestic issues. We are all aware of California's current ongoing power shortage. Well Bush, the scientist that he is, has discovered why we're having such difficulties in the Golden State. "The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants, and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants." So our problem is, according to that mess of a sentence, that we do not have enough power to power our power plants. Oh. Right. I'll leave that one alone.

In the past month, Bush has created the new White House Office for Faith-Based Initiatives. Let's recollect what the objective of this office is before I allow Bush to further embarrass himself. Essentially, this office is charged with the distribution of funds to charities run by churches.

All right, I'll let Dubya take over. Bush wants to reassure all of us that although he has "heard a lot of discussion about a faith-based initiative eroding the important bridge between church and state," this won't happen. So, Georgey, explain to me how doling out money to religious organizations is dangerous to the bond of church and state. First of all, unofficially we are not supposed to have that important bridge between church and state here in the United States. Secondly, your office will reinforce it instead of destroying it.

The next four years will sure be interesting. We will be entering new territory in the sense that when our president represents us internationally, he will be conversing with non-English-speaking leaders who know how to speak his native language better than he does.

I would like to leave off with one of my current favorite Bushisms. When asked about his appointment of Linda Chavez as labor secretary, Dubya displayed his normal muddled state: "I would have to ask the questioner. I haven't had a chance to ask the questioners the question they've been questioning." Well done.

**The above is taken from the March 5, 2001 issue of the UCSD Guardian and is written by Valerie Burns
Title: George W. Bushisms

ISBN: 0-7432-2222-9

Edited By: Jacob Weisberg

A nifty thing about the book I forgot to mention:

PICTURES. Think www.bushorchimp.com. FUNNY ASS PICTURES. Hee hee hee.

A note about the word 'Bushism':

The term 'Bushism' was coined by Jacob Weisberg in 1992 after George H.W. Bush made the following speech: "Remember Lincoln, going to his knees in times of trial and the Civil War and all that stuff. You can't be. And we are blessed. So don't feel sorry for -- don't cry for me, Argentina. We've got problems out there and I am blessed by good health, strong health. Jeez, you get the flu, and they make it into a federal case. Anyway, that goes with the territory."

From the introduction by Jacob Weisberg:

"Collecting these utterances by our now president over the past year and a bit, I've found myself returning time and time again to the same question: What exactly is wrong with this guy"

The most widely publicized clinical evaluation came from Gail Sheehy' Sheehy wrote a lengthy article in Vanity Fair proposing that George W. Bush suffers from undiagnosed dyslexia. Within a few hours of the piece's publication, the Republican nominee had responed, 'The woman who knew I had dyslexia ' I never interviewed her.'

When I first heard the news that George W. Bush was our president, I have to admit I panicked. I'm sorry, but I would prefer the most powerful (::snicker::) man in the world to have more neurons in his brain than he weighs, a requirement that I suspected Bush failed to meet. Statements like "I don't know whether I'm going to win or not. I think I am. I do know I'm ready for the job. And if not, that's just the way it goes" did not help to calm my worries.

However, Bush was right when he said 'They misunderestimated me.' I have since learned to love Mr. Bush. I persevered1 and joined his campaign2. The way I figure, anyone who can be 'a small business growth' just might handle something as trivial as a Presidency with ease. I think I was right, too: the man has become a true leadership3. No doubt helpful is his ability to recognize the fallacy of humans.4

He maintains a positive attitude5 even when such crises as the fact that "It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More and more of our imports come from overseas" are poised to cripple America.

The Man knows how to relax6 in that big mansion of his. 'No Worries,' he says, as he takes pleasure in the knowledge that he has no responsibilities 7... But don't worry: 'Governor Bush will not stand for the subsidation of failure8.'

Mr. Bush may know what his faith is, or what his priorities is, 9but it would seem that he doesn't know what he believes.10.

And heyhey! Whodathunkit. Curious George can do math, too! Lots of people trust him11., and they do it for a very obvious reason:12 he's always looking out for the common man13.

Our President knows why children must read14 ' in fact, sometimes he does it himself!15.

He has the balls to question the educational system16, but still realizes how bright his children is17. His argument for educational accountability18 is nothing less than stunning. George Bush has met the standards for public schools19, and it shows20. Not only that, but the man has mad financial skillz too;21 maybe this22 is the reason why the economy is doing so well.

His foreign policy23 never ceases to amaze, in all of its forms. He knows it's us versus them24 but isn't quite sure who 'them' is. 'Them' could be evildoing madmen who might cause menshul losses!25

Not only does he handle international policy with grace and tact, but his policy on interracial dating26 is a true gem.
He also speaks out against racial profiling27.

His mind is obviously on the right track when he says 'I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun.' Bush also acts decisively on such hot issues as quotas28 and affirmative action29

Well, so it may appear that he is functionally illiterate. Obviously 'functionally' does not include technological matters30 (we have to be careful of people living in the dark dungeons of the internet!)

George W. Bush understands the emotionality31 and logistics32 of the death penalty. Must be from so many executions in Texas.

The man has time33 and time again shown his innate grasp of politics and money34 '.and that's enough. I think you've realized something: This man is a reflection of the American public. May God have mercy on all of our souls.

1 "This is Preservation Month. I appreciate preservation. It's what you do when you run for president. You gotta preserve."
2 "If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and priciples, come and join this campaign."
3 "I have a different vision of leadership. A leadership is someone who brings people together."
4 "I am a person who recognizes the fallacy of humans."
5 "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."
6"The administration I'll bring in is a group of men and women who are focused on what's best for America, honest men and women, decent men and women, women who will see service to our country as a great privilege and will not stain the house."
7"I want each and every American to know for certain that I'm responsible for the decisions I make, each and every one of you are as well."
8 "Governor Bush will not stand for the subsidation of failure."
9 "Our priorities is our faith."
10 "I think if you know what to believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question."
11 "There's a huge trust. I see it every day when people come up to me and say, 'I don't want you to let me down again.'"
12 "Well, I think if you're going to do something, and then don't do it, that's trustworthiness."
13 "The best way to relieve families from time is to let them keep some of their own money."
14 "Reading is the basics for all learning."
15 "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."
16 "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning''
17 "Laura and I really don't realize how bright our children is sometimes until we get an objective analasys."
18 "How do you know if you don't have a system that simply suckles kids through'"
19 "As governor of Texas, I have set high standards for our public schools, and I have met those standards."
20 "I don't read what's handed to me.'
21 "Clearly it's a budget. It's got lots of numbers in it."
22 "A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes to coming out of an economic illness."
23"I hope to get a sense of, should I be fortunate enough to be the president, how my administration will react to the Middle East."
24 "When I was coming up, it was a dangerous world, and you knew exactly who they were. It was us versus them, and it was clear who them was. Today we are not so sure who they are, but we know they're there."
25 "It's still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential menshul losses."
26 "The Bob Jones policy on interracial dating, I mean I spoke out on interracial dating. I spoke out against that. I spoke out against the policy of interracial dating. I support interracial dating."
27 "I mean, there needs to be a wholesale effort against racial profiling, which is illiterate children."
28 "Quotas are bad for America. It's not the way America is all about."
29 "If affirmative action means what I just described, then I'm for it."
30 "Will the highways on the Internet become more few'"
31 "This case has had full analyzation and has been looked at a lot. I understand the emotionality of death penalty cases."
32 "The only thing that I can tell you is that every case I have reviewed I have been comfortable with the innocence or guilt of the person I've looked at. I do not believe we've put a guilty &emdash; I mean innocent person to death in the state of Texas."
33 "It is not Reaganesque to support a policy that is Clinton in nature."
34 "It's your money. You paid for it."

Ok, a few more that I particularly like but didn't want to bother incorporating into my little story:

"The government is not the surplus's money, Vice President."

"If the terriers and bariffs are torn down, this economy will grow."

"We ought to make the pie higher."

"There's not going to be enough people in the system to take advantage of people like me."

"They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program."

"The legislature's job is to write law. It's the executive branch's job to interpret law."

"I think we agree, the past is over."

"The senator has got to understand if he's going to have &emdash; he can't have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then claim the low road."

"Bush: I talked to my little brother Jeb –- I haven't told this to many people. But he's the governor of –- I should't call him my little brother my brother –- Jeb, the great governor of Texas.

Jim Lehrer: Florida.

Bush: Florida. The state of Florida."

"I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California ."

"I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating."

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