(I can't believe I'm *responding* to a writeup. Twice in one week, jeez.)

re: jkfghdagv's writeup in Useful Latin Phrases

Buddy (who, now that I look at your home node, I realize you will never read this), if whizkid hadn't done it on his own, I would have asked for it to be nuked. whizkid's comment was right on the money. The title of the node is Useful latin phrases. Now, the intended purpose of said node was *not* to do those cute things we did in high school to interpret latin words in ways that let us use then improperly. "Semper Ubi Sub Ubi" was not what I was going for, okay?

re: Other stuff which probably doesn't belong in a Daylog. Sorry.

I would like to address a phenomenon that I've only experienced lately. err......Are we being too exclusive? Now, I'm not pointing fingers at the editors or gods, per se. I think you folks do good work. But, just yesterday, stile came on here for the first time, and even though I was trying to help him, thanks to a misunderstood comment in the catbox, he got really pissed, called us nazi's, and I believe has now fled. Now, granted, he seemed a bit tightly wound. But this other guy, jkfghdagv, despite having an unpronouncable name, was a monk! Looking through the stuff he had on the system, it wasn't that bad. He had some good writeups. So why did this guy or gal freak out and leave?

I don't have the answers to this, hence my questioning out in the open like this. I think it takes a certain kind of person to be a long term noder, and thus, to a degree, exclusivity is a good thing. But if relatively long term users are suddenly up and storming out ... well, we should probably address that.

Just as a side note, the writeup s/he made before the one above was an E2 Nuke Request to nuke the site itself, or at least his/her homenode and all his/her individual nodes. This writeup was cooled. Make of that what you will.

i'm drifting in and out just a leetle tonight, it's so odd the way my days and nights are beginning to blend again, i am very much not used to it.

i am not used to this reality.

there were so many little things today, but if asked the tiniest most significant would be forgotten, as they've already slipped from my head for the most part. it wasn't a conscious choice to let them slide, there was simply too much in there, too much thought'y matter swirling and yielding text, sweet sweet text.

i learned so much from you.

when aching exhaustion has some sort of strong-hold on your eyelids, that is when the most amazing things will present themselves to you. not in dishpan wrinkle'y fingers, not in spilling tears over life's directional discrepancies.

i saw movement in still.

1:33am (Early Early Early Morning, before I go to bed)
Bad day all around. We're on the verge of war in the middle east today. My brain is on empty. The only thing that sustains my noding at this time of night is Dagda's 'Underworld', a Celtic/new age album which I mentioned in my first entry to noding music.

I seem to have passed achan in xp temporarily. Not that I care, but it's always intresting to see how you relate to other noders. I've been here so long yet I have so little xp for people who have been noders as long as I. Xp has apparently a nil effect on keeping me intrested. I'm much more kept around e2 every so often by putting information into e2 and whatnot, and the fact that it has become sort of a chic monk type order of people just randomly throwing crap into a database and seeing what gems get chucked back out at them.

Stile is apparently going to be a noder now, or something. God help us all.

11:02am (I just woke up and watched some football news)

Comments on above strife


I think it should be important to clarify in the daylogs above that the node in question (Useful Latin Phrases) was removed not because it was misnamed but because it was factually incorrect. I was under the impression that the node was removed because it was useful latin phrases in a node called useful latin phrases which is not possible since latin is a dead language (i.e.: I would like to order a pizza, Could I use your bathroom, Excuse me, My head is stuck in the elevator, etcetera) In fact, according to the editor daylogs, I think that the person who nuked himself is also under the impression that the node was removed because it was in the wrong place. Such a misimpression is rather unfortunate since if a node was actually nuked for such a reason it would be downright lame.

End waxing



I just noticed that my submission to the Everything AIM Repository has been downvoted to -2. I guess people must not like me very much. :(

3:00pm (I've had lunch and theres a football game on)
So, the Falcons (My home team) are playing the Rams (of whom I have Torry Holt for a fantasy player), but the Rams lost their Kicker, so they are having to attempt 2 point conversions on every successful drive, and the field goal mentality has been removed. It's just insane. Stuff like this isn't suppose to happen in the super-conservative play of the NFL.

3:49pm (The game is all but over and i'm about to head out)
The Falcons are all but guaranteed to lose now, and I am slowly realising that I have a fricking Latin Midterm on vocabulary tommorow. I believe I made a dumb node detaling the words I have to have memorized, but I forgot what it was. Anyway i'm about to head out to my normal home (i've been noding from my dads house.) where I will be unable to use the java chatterbox since java on my personalLinux computer is, well, horrid.

7:59pm (I'm at home and i've done some studying)
Okay, i've downloaded mozilla milestone 18, and.. there no nice way to say this.... It sucks ass. To begin with, you will be noding unto frustration with it because in text editing boxes control + arrow_pad_right works, but control + arrow_pad_left doesn't. It's nearly impossible to find a java plugin to work with mozilla outside of the one that comes with plugin finder, and for whatever reason, the two times i've done the hour long downloads, it's crashed right after downloading without installing, thereby not allowing me java, or use of the java chatterbox (hence why I would really like a non-java-chatterbox client to be made by just about anyone.)

10:22pm (I should be going to bed soon, watching a Baseball game)
I've decided to bring along a composition notebook to school with me for a while in which I can prepare nodes and writings for e2, and should it be lost, the lucky finder may be drawn into our little world by the e2vertising which i've placed on the inside.

The New York Yankees are leading the Seattle Mariners 3 games to 1 in the American League Championship, and the New York Mets are on the verge of leading (STL 6 NYM 10 Top of the 7th inning) the Saint Louis Cardinals 3 games to 1 in the National League Championship, thereby opening the possibility of a Subway Series.
To node

[New to e2: Baptism by Fire] | [A Brief History concerning my experience with Medievia] | [DMode] | [Mana Spring] | [Retromud]
I went to a movie with my little brother, Lane. "The Ladies Man." It was pretty good, I'm gonna write a node about it in a minute. Anyway, when I'm driving to the theatre, I'm talking to him, joking around, having a good time. Anyway, I'm distracted, so I accidently get in the wrong lane and have to make a mid-intersection lane change to avoid making a left turn. It was pretty dumb, but nobody got hurt. Little brother laughs for a good minute and a half.

My brother has the worst laugh ever. It's a sort of hideous cackle which slowly turns into high-pitched gasps for breath. It's not something you want to hear. Maybe I'll put an MP3 of it on my website sometime.

So anyway, we get to the movie, and a bunch of his friends are there. We sat with them. When the movie's over, he guilts me into taking some of them home.

"Please, Evan? It's only a few blocks."

I say, sure. Hop in the van.

First thing he does: he tells the story of the Dumb Thing that happened on the way here. Only now, it's much, much worse. There's a car in the lane I'm trying to turn into, I'm going 70, etc.

Soon there are several more cackles filling the air. He starts into another story:

"Oh, that's nothing. This one time, he was taking his driver's test, and- erk!" I swung randomly in the dark van. I hit his neck. He got the message to stop. I got his friends home without any more Dumb Things. We're listening to music, talking, having a good time. I forgot about it. I thought he did. When we finally get home, little brother immediately tells dad about the neck-hitting.

Dad yells at me for a good half hour, then mom comes and yells at me some more. When they ran out of things to say about the dangers of hitting people in the neck ("You could have crushed his trachea!"), they start in on good driving habits. ("You never, EVER, take your hands off the wheel. [TEN O'CLOCK AND TWO O'CLOCK!")

I remembered that dad specifically told Lane not to offer anybody a ride home, and, sensing a way to get the 'rents off my back, I told them that he had me take some friends home. They call me a Tattle-Tale.

I'm thinking of running away from home.

So, today has been fun I guess.

I live in Albuquerque, New Mexico. The kodak international balloon fiesta is currently going strong, we had around 800 balloons in the skies today. I live about 1.5 miles south of the place they take off from, and have lots of open space so they tend to land here. My arms are VERY sore, I helped bring down 3 balloons, it's hard work at 8:00 AM.

The First balloon was Boynton Critters, I found out later that the pilot is the CEO and Prez. of Salomon Smith Barney Consulting Group. Nice balloon, and very friendly crew, they shared their champaigne with us, and gave me some cards for their balloons....like collectors cards.

Then the tragedy, a balloon out of tuscon, AZ: De Colores. Nice big balloon, friendly group, but they came down VERY hard in a VERY bad spot. In the end everyone was muddy and their balloon had about 30 preforations in it's envelope, too bad. My condolences to the pilot and owners, it's tough having to get one of those balloons fixed, especially when it means you have to leave the show a day early.

The last balloon just came down and took off again, didnt even get the name... next!

Anyways.... after that, I ate and played EverQuest all day, then watched some movies: Pecker, SNL, Mad TV, and something before pecker, forgot.. oh well. Now I am going to bed. >p> -doug

paranoid note found on bus:

When a Life is over, the one you were living for, where do you go?

It's Troy's birthday. Four years ago today I was stuck on a bus to Minnesota next to people with dubious hygiene. I had 4 bucks in my pocket, 4 bucks for a two-day bus trip. It was such an optimistic time. The funny thing is, that considering how nasty our breakup was, I miss him. I miss talking to him on the phone for hours and listening to him do dorky things with sound files. I miss him forcing me to play stupid word games like jotto, I miss how badly he beat me at bowling. I miss watching shows I hate (like Deep Space Nine) just so I could snuggle up to him. God, I hate nostalgia.

He wasn't really attractive. He wasn't socially adept. God, he pissed off almost all of my friends. He had an awful temper. He had the worst taste in clothing. He was boring as fuck, and I loved him. With every particle of my being, I loved him. And that's not something that just goes away. I still love him, a little. It's funny how I knew when he called me "Perfect" that it was all unraveling.

He's in Massachussetts now. We don't talk much. Our lives are separate. But he was an important part of my youth, and I'll always think of him during the fall, when the leaves change color. I'll remember the autumn in St. Paul when I believed that love really did solve everything.

Again, many things happen after midnight. Towards the last hour of the fourteenth we were hanging out at Patricks, upon having procured some Guinness extra stout. Thad showed up, and Jason, Brien and him smoked out. I had some xtc cigs and beers... we ended up at Thad's house (thank god I wasn't driving) and chilled there for a bit before getting back to our respective homes. Christin never called back, Jason said he wasn't interested in her because she talks too much. Hmm. She'd be long distance anyway, oh well. I'm still kinda gone, it's 4 A.M. and I'm clocking out.

Painful reality settled in around one P.M. The beers and smoke had settled in my head, and was trying to find a way out. Slowly, I shuffeled to the terminal and checked my xp. The day was spent recuperating, watching Television and sinking into more and more of a depression. I won't find meaning in this semester which is not, if I'm lucky I'll finish my book. I didn't sleep that night, the layout is due this morning, thirty minutes from the completion of this entry. At least this nightmare is over.

12:33

Okay, I hope this won't suck... I have higher hopes. I won't be around in some other news sites today. The reason? Same as why I had negative karma in Slashdot once. "Damn it, I made a mistake!"

::sigh::

New version of xawtv is now installed... and AVI recording at 25 fps + sound still doesn't seem to work. =(

Oh, and I almost forgot: I helped Reno_Fox to get to the MUCKs yesterday. He learned fast... =)

19:31

Yes, I'm alive... The only gripe is that I installed the "Normal" setup of S:TW, and the damn thing didn't work any better... I'm starting to Truly Hate Windows 98.

Again noded about some really random things. Fonts and stuff. Hmph.

nApsT3red a bunch of songs.

21:03

Dammit! I shouldn't just go to the lectures to sleep... I missed one Cuol UML Quitz™. Grrr...

You feel foolish! You haven't been paying attention.--More--

So, now I have to either take the Really Tough Exam® or make the Dreaded 10-Page Essay®. Grrrrr.

22:52

Holy Damn... another heresy: I switched from sirc to x-chat...


Other day logs o' mine...

Noded today by y.t.: Microsoft TrueType core fonts for the web x height passive smoking
Updated:

back | days | forth

Affirmation

I let another person into my life yesterday evening. That makes 2 in a month, and the first 2 people for... well, ever! Mark explained some things to me about friendship, I replied that I would be honoured to have him as a close friend, and he was ecstatic!

Perhaps I should explain, just a little: I have no close friends. Throughout my short life, I have been a loner, sometimes by choice, sometimes not. The result of all this time spent alone is; a poorly developed set of social skills and no close friends. Now, this is not meant to be yet another angsty node because I have had no problem with my isolation. However, falling in love with a gorgeous girl and then finding a close male friend has all happened at once.

It's a little daunting, somehow scary to think that these two people want me as a large part of their lives. It's also amazingly flattering, deeply satisfying and it is building my self esteem up an enormous amount. :-)

Thank you so much, Mark and Dana.

Hmm, as this is meant to be a daylog:

Spent the morning reading loads of technical articles around the web, feeding my brain lots of tidbits and waiting to see what my subconscious comes up with. I would love to see a proper trust metric system here on e2 like that of advogato.org.

Oh yeah, posted with mozilla milestone 18.

20:05 BST

I was bathing just now and decided to change the dressings on my recently operated on leg... I have been bleeding a fair amount from the main operation scar. This has been hidden from me before because I have had 2 dressings on each scar and the blood only soaked the bottom layer. I am worried about this; should I hassle both my Mother and the hospital? Hmmm.

21:05 BST

*Phew* false alarm! I have redressed the wound, removing the old surgical tape and will get it seen to tomorrow.

I really should start working on business plan milestones that is due tomorrow. But playing with E2 is much more fun. ;-} Anyway, I got Linking two PC with UTP and Microsoft Networking and Microsoft's Mouse Click Selection Conventions noded.

Everything is okay. That's what has changed this year. These last few months. That's why I am happy. Nothing really matters. The same exact concept that left me immovable for so long has brought a strange kind of happiness to the surface now. I don't care if I repeat these thoughts. These are thoughts that should be repeated.

It's Sunday and there is so much to do. So much I want to do. I am filled with an impatient expectance and it leaves me smiling and singing at the top of my lungs. My sister can giggle outside the door because I can't sing, but I care not! I don't care! I care too much! It's all the same.

I have been thinking lately. Bits of conversations in the chatterbox. Bits of conversations here and there. Pieces of thoughts I'm putting together. E2 may not be perfect, and I've noticed a few people lately who have loudly exclaimed just that, but nothing is perfect. What E2 has personally helped me with is so important that none of that matters. Yes, so this is just a virtual community. Yes, it is just a website. But it has brought me to a new level of honesty with myself and those around me that I will never forget.

Just smile. It feels good.
another night spent trying to find someone who'll let me watch Iron Chef at their place. the part of me that really misses A-Team re-runs starts thinking maybe i should get TV. but then the commercials come on to affront my intelligence yet again. "Revolutionary Cleavage." they actually tried to seriously use the phrase "cyberized" seriously...

i wonder how many people's voting decisions are going to be based on nothing more than the candidates portrayal in Saturday Night Live sketches?


sorry, i usually try not to act like such an elitist bastard

It's happening again

I can feel the spirit of code - crunching coming over me. It's been a long time since I've had a huge large project laid out in front of me, considering that work this summer was systems engineering, not software development. But back at school, it's called homework, and it's taking over my mind, and I'm loving it.

Case in point: In the midsts of a party last night, after engaging in some heavy drinking, even, i popped into my room to fine-tune my code. A revelation had occured to me somewhere between the shots of Jack Daniel's and Smirnoff, and I just had to fix it.

The party, as a whole, was hugely succesful, from both a personal and fraternical standpoint. Very large number of people in attendance (spread the word about a Balloon Party, the rare white elephant of parties on campus, and the kids just flock). As for me, I secured two dates (with two different people... ).

An intimate moment with her right before she walked out the door.. whispers and an almost half kiss, but no... it was gone.

Then back to the party; had quit drinking to dry out and re-caught up with Goose and Cougar, and we retired to my room, laughing and enjoying each others stories of the night's activities.

...Who let the dogs out?...If you say that one more time, I'll fucking kill you...

12:00 PM EST -- What did we learn a few weeks ago?

I'll admit, hey, I go to church every Sunday. Trick is, this usually requires me waking up early enough to hit the 8AM session. I do this for a REASON. One which I learned a few weeks ago.

Don't go to the noon mass!

The noon mass is when they start doing the screwy things. 8AM mass? Too early for most people, so a straight-forward, no-nonsense mass. 10AM? Still okay, but a little too crowded. Noon? Break out the choir and the children's singers, Jenny Sue, we're havin' a good ol' fashioned hootenany!

But, to cut a long story short, I ended up going to the noon mass. Arrg...

2:00 PM EST -- Look! A grocery store!

Yep, more work. My weekends suck. At least I'm not in the bottle return anymore.

6:15 PM EST -- I'm in the bottle return again

Here we go. The person who was SUPPOSED to come in and take over the bottle return didn't show. He was supposed to come in at 2PM. The previous bottle return person (Whom I was one of the people who taught him, so I KNOW he does a good job...) left at 4:30PM. Nobody took care of the bottle return until 6:15PM, when my manager informed me that nobody was coming in, and thus I'm in the bottle return.

The fact that I've done the bottle return previously, as well as doing a good job at it, has cursed me for life, since the managers know this fact about me and will use it at any time they deem neccessary.

To be exact, I didn't head in until 6:45PM... I had to take my lunch first so I could challenge myself to hold it down whilst working the bottle return. And remember, nobody took care of the place for two hours. GARBAGE EVERYWHERE!!!! But at least it resulted in me doodling more stuff.

11:40ish PM EST -- I do NOT need this

Spiffy. Now someone's trying to support lack of accountability on E2 under the thin guise of "liberty in writing! freedom of speech! fuck the draft! free kevin! save the dolphins!"? Whine whine whine. E2 is a dictatorship. I won't candy-coat it. It is controlled by the whims of a few computer geeks. Usually by insanity. However, it survives like this. Now shut up and accept it, or make your own E2. You won't change anything. There is no vote here, no "Let's impeach the rulers!", none of that. dem bones is in charge, he always will be, and he's not up to changing. You're a disgruntled adolescent geek who can't stand authority, he's a seasoned geek who can't stand insubordination. Factor in experience, and you're fighting a losing battle. Give it up.

Right, next up, I'd like to upgrade my glib files... but, stupid me, I think I installed a new glib (from source) OVER an old one (from RPM) a while back, and I'm not experienced enough to ferret out the files and figure out how to deinstall the old one to make the new one. Arrg.

Third? Didn't I have in my ICQ info that I'm not up for random chats? Where do these people come from? And why do they get offended that I don't just auth any random yahoo who requests authorization and immediately try to get to know them?

Fourth? I'm trying to debug DirectX with someone who's not quite up on the delicate balance, nay, unstable mayhem that IS Windoze? Bah!

I feel bad because I don't go to church anymore. It didn't even cross my mind, but I feel bad now. I also forgot to meet my lab partner to work on our project together, meaning that I'm stuck working on it by myself for the next couple of days because I feel bad about that too. Those are the things that I didn't do, so what did I do, you might ask?

Discovered that Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is an extremely tripped out movie. I didn't finish it the night before so I watched the rest of it and my mind was blown. The last time I'd seen that movie was in 3rd grade and I hadn't remembered it being THAT fucked up. I can't wait to watch it tripping sometime, I'm sure that it's one of those movies that they intentionally put stuff in there to fuck with tripping people. If you've ever watched the Matrix on drugs, you know what I'm talking about.

Ate lasagne and watched Cruel Intentions. Got drunk again. I'm really turning into a lush.

That's ALL I did. Amazing how easy it is for me to waste a day away...

last friday, i decided that i wanted to try something with someone of the same sex. i have no problems kissing someone of the same sex (as long as i find them agreeable) and enjoy the closeness that a hug can bring to male-female or same sex relationships. mix that idea with alcohol, pot, a night on the town ending up in the usual social club, and a gay person.

my friends and i all met up in the pub as we usually do, i work with most of these people so the last thing i'd want to do is embarress myself and have to face them on monday. they all know me as straight, but completely hopeless at finding someone to get intimate with which meant that one of the general group aims for the night (aside from getting pissed) was to get me a shag. Plenty of drinks later, in the social club, I decide to take control of the situation. I announced to certain friends that i felt the way i did and promptly tried to fling myself at this gay person who i really did not bother to talk to first. I minced around the club feeling like a right queer, and loving it.

I never did get to do anything. I ended up in the back of a taxi crying on my friends shoulder, not knowing whether i was happy about what i had done, or scared of the consequences that may arise. Happily, I found it easy to talk to other friends who had not been there about what i had got up to, though i am dreading tomorrow. I dont personally feel bad about it, but it is other peoples attitudes that make it so hard to feel that you are a normal and great person, something which i felt on friday for the first time in years.

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