I asked her. She sounded positive about going out with me. I was so exicited. I told her it was on a day that she worked, she seemed concerned but still sounded willing if she could sort out the details. Then I told her the christmas party was on a yacht that was going to sail out in open waters. Her eyes grew wider and then she had to decline. She gets *very* seasick.
This didn't end entirely on a low point though; she suggested that we get together sometime for a movie or something. So that made me feel a lot better. I gave her a piece of paper with my website and email address so that she could contact me. I figure that she must have some interest or she would not have waited until I mentioned the yatch to decline, and also probably would not have been the person to bring up an alternate plan.
That makes me feel good. At least it seems like she has some interest in me. So this was the first time I asked a girl out on a date, and it didn't go over all that bad. I am somewhat in limbo on how I feel. I feel good that she didn't turn me down right away, but I feel bad that she couldn't (maybe wouldn't) go.
I also feel bad because I feel like I might have put her in an awkward situation. How can she deal with me now that I've shown real interest in her? I have paid her money to see her beautiful naked body as she danced before me, so how can I turn what we have experienced together into at least a normal friendship? Is this just too weird for it to be possible to be friends? I didn't detect in any way that she felt awkward, but I wrote her a letter just to make sure:
After I left, I thought about what I had said to you, and I really feel like I might have made you feel awkward, and I wanted to apologize if you did feel that way. I'm sorry. You are the first beautiful girl that has ever looked me straight into the eyes and show me any form of kindness and affection, so it might not be suprising that I am a little interested in knowing more about you, but I seriously don't want to make you feel awkward in any way. I feel like my self-confidence has increased a bit, but I still lack the experience to fully consider the feelings and perspective of others. You are a big part of my gained self-confidence and new ambition for life. You are one of the reasons why I want to improve myself.
I think about you often, and I had been thinking about how to ask you for over a week. You should have seen the anxiety that I was having the day before. I am glad that you were not shocked when I asked you, and I am glad that you still seem interested in doing something together, but I really feel bad for putting you on the spot, and I hope that you have no bad feelings. I really look forward to hearing from you and/or seeing you again.
She really is very kind and totally unlike anyone else I have ever met. I really wish I knew a way to make a transition to a normal friendship without making her feel awkward.
Anyway, the rest of my day was somewhat uninteresting. I went to the gym this morning for orientation, but mostly got a sales pitch for paying a personal trainer and nutritionist to guide me down the path of health. I accepted a fairly humble plan and will need to return tomorrow afternoon to get started. Tonight I need to go and do some more walking, and it's getting late so I think I'll go do that now, and then come back and write up anything else I can remember.
Today will certianly be a memorable milestone in my life. I hope these daylogs stay here, or I can find a way to archive them in case anything happens to e2. This really is a great way for me to look back at my life and see what happened to me and when it happened.
I'm back from the gym. I burned 265 ccalories walking a half hour at about 3.5mph at various inclines. I really like how it itemizes those numbers so exactly. They most certianly have to be wrong... Exercise can't possibly be this easy.
First thing I did when I got back was check my email again.
Now that I've given Kawana my email address, I'm sure I'll be checking it much more frequently. I'm trying to decide what I'm going to do with my day tomorrow. I have a whole day to use to enjoy life. What can I do? I've been wanting to get some posters framed, maybe I'll take them to the frame shop in the mall and get that done. That's not that interesting though. I need to find out what other people who are my age do in this area. I'm literally right next door to a decent-sized college (FAU is right behind my apartment complex), so there must be something interesting going on around here. I'm going to go search around the net.