The above insult
s are only the ones in the first Monkey Island game
, the Secret of Monkey Island
. In the third game, The Curse of Monkey Island
acquires a lot of new insults. He gets a ship and learns in his first fight (against Captain René Rottingham
) that seafaring pirates
have to rhyme their insults. This renders his old ones useless and forces him to learn a whole new repertoire. The fighting style is basically the same as the one described above by frost
. Instead of defeating the Swordmaster, you must defeat Captain Rottingham.
PIRATE: Every enemy I’ve met I’ve annihilated!
ROTTINGHAM: My attacks have left entire islands depopulated!
GUYBRUSH: With your breath I’m sure they all suffocated.
PIRATE: You’re as repulsive as a monkey in a negligee
ROTTINGHAM: You have the sex appeal of a Shar-Pei
GUYBRUSH: I look THAT much like your fiancée?
PIRATE: You’re the ugliest monster ever created!
ROTTINGHAM: Your looks would make pigs nauseated.
GUYBRUSH: If you don’t count all the ones you’ve dated.
PIRATE; Heavens preserve me! You look like something that’s died!
ROTTINGHAM: Nothing on this earth can save your sorry hide!
GUYBRUSH: The only way you’d be preserved is in formaldehyde
PIRATE: En garde! Touché!
ROTTINGHAM: Your mother wears a toupee
GUYBRUSH: Oh, that is so cliché
PIRATE: Coming face to face with me must leave you petrified!
ROTTINGHAM: Never before have I faced someone so sissified
GUYBRUSH: Is that your face? I thought it was your backside.
PIRATE: I’ll skewer you like a sow
at a buffet!
ROTTINGHAM: Your lips look like they belong on the catch of the day.
GUYBRUSH: When I’m done with YOU, you’ll be a boneless fillet.
PIRATE: You can’t match my witty repartee!
ROTTINGHAM: Nothing can stop me from blowing you away!
GUYBRUSH: I could, if you would use some breath spray.
PIRATE: I’ll hound you night and day!
ROTTINGHAM: You’ll find I’m dogged and relentless to my prey!
GUYBRUSH: Then be a good doggie
. Sit! Stay!
PIRATE: When your father first saw you, he must have been mortified.
ROTTINGHAM: You’re a disgrace to your species, you’re so undignified!
GUYBRUSH: At least mine can be identified.
PIRATE: I can’t rest ‘til you’ve been exterminated!
ROTTINGHAM: Your odor would leave an outhouse cleaner
GUYBRUSH: Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.
PIRATE: I’ll leave you devastated, mutilated and perforated.
ROTTINGHAM: I can’t tell which of my traits has you the most intimidated.
GUYBRUSH: Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated and infuriated.
PIRATE: Killing you would be justifiable homicide
ROTTINGHAM: When I’m done, your body will be rotted and putrefied!
GUYBRUSH: Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide
PIRATE: I have never seen such clumsy swordplay.
GUYBRUSH: You would have, but you were always running away.
PIRATE: Would you rather be buried
ROTTINGHAM: I give you a choice. You can be gutted
, or decapitated
GUYBRUSH: With you around, I’d prefer to be fumigated
PIRATE: Throughout the Caribbean
, my great deeds are celebrated.
ROTTINGHAM: My skills with a sword are highly venerated.
GUYBRUSH: Too bad they’re all fabricated.
These are some insults that Guybrush makes up when he doesn’t know what to say. Warning:
Using these insults will get you killed-or at least make you lose the fight.
My favorite color is battleship gray.
The air’s much less humid around Santa Fe
I’d have a good comeback, but it’s hard to get motivated.
The hawk and the eagle are both birds of prey.
Chinese food’s best when not monosodium-glutamated.
I think that all criminals should be incarcerated.
I’m more confused than mere words can convey.
My brother is working on a screenplay.
Remember, pedestrians always have the right of way.
I think pirates in training often feel alienated.
I wonder if the rent on my ship is prorated?
I am rubber, you are glue.
I’m shaking, I’m shaking!
OK, I give up!