The above
insults are only the ones in the first
Monkey Island game,
the Secret of Monkey Island. In the third game,
The Curse of Monkey Island,
Guybrush acquires a lot of new insults. He gets a ship and learns in his first fight (against
Captain René Rottingham) that
seafaring pirates have to rhyme their insults. This renders his old ones useless and forces him to learn a whole new repertoire. The fighting style is basically the same as the one described above by
frost. Instead of defeating the Swordmaster, you must defeat Captain Rottingham.
PIRATE: Every enemy I’ve met I’ve annihilated!
ROTTINGHAM: My attacks have left entire islands depopulated!
GUYBRUSH: With your breath I’m sure they all suffocated.
PIRATE: You’re as repulsive as
a monkey in a negligee.
ROTTINGHAM: You have the sex appeal of a
Shar-Pei.
GUYBRUSH: I look THAT much like your fiancée?
PIRATE: You’re
the ugliest monster ever created!
ROTTINGHAM: Your looks would make pigs nauseated.
GUYBRUSH: If you don’t count all the ones you’ve dated.
PIRATE; Heavens preserve me! You look like something that’s died!
ROTTINGHAM: Nothing on this earth can save your sorry hide!
GUYBRUSH: The only way you’d be preserved is in
formaldehyde.
PIRATE:
En garde! Touché!
ROTTINGHAM: Your mother wears a
toupee!
GUYBRUSH: Oh, that is so
cliché.
PIRATE: Coming face to face with me must leave you petrified!
ROTTINGHAM: Never before have I faced someone so
sissified.
GUYBRUSH: Is that your face? I thought it was your backside.
PIRATE: I’ll skewer you like a
sow at a buffet!
ROTTINGHAM: Your lips look like they belong on the catch of the day.
GUYBRUSH: When I’m done with YOU, you’ll be a boneless fillet.
PIRATE: You can’t match my witty repartee!
ROTTINGHAM: Nothing can stop me from blowing you away!
GUYBRUSH: I could, if you would use some breath spray.
PIRATE: I’ll hound you night and day!
ROTTINGHAM: You’ll find I’m dogged and relentless to my prey!
GUYBRUSH: Then be
a good doggie.
Sit! Stay!
PIRATE: When your father first saw you, he must have been mortified.
ROTTINGHAM: You’re a disgrace to your species, you’re so undignified!
GUYBRUSH: At least mine can be identified.
PIRATE: I can’t rest ‘til you’ve been exterminated!
ROTTINGHAM: Your odor would leave an
outhouse cleaner irritated.
GUYBRUSH: Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.
PIRATE: I’ll leave you devastated, mutilated and perforated.
ROTTINGHAM: I can’t tell which of my traits has you the most intimidated.
GUYBRUSH: Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated and infuriated.
PIRATE: Killing you would be
justifiable homicide!
ROTTINGHAM: When I’m done, your body will be rotted and putrefied!
GUYBRUSH: Then killing you must be justifiable
fungicide.
PIRATE: I have never seen such clumsy swordplay.
GUYBRUSH: You would have, but you were always running away.
PIRATE: Would you rather be
buried or
cremated?
ROTTINGHAM: I give you a choice. You can be
gutted, or
decapitated!
GUYBRUSH: With you around, I’d prefer to be
fumigated!
PIRATE: Throughout
the Caribbean, my great deeds are celebrated.
ROTTINGHAM: My skills with a sword are highly venerated.
GUYBRUSH: Too bad they’re all fabricated.
These are some insults that Guybrush makes up when he doesn’t know what to say.
Warning: Using these insults will get you killed-or at least make you lose the fight.
My favorite color is battleship gray.
The air’s much less humid around
Santa Fe.
I’d have a good comeback, but it’s hard to get motivated.
The hawk and the eagle are both birds of prey.
Chinese food’s best when not monosodium-glutamated.
I think that all criminals should be incarcerated.
I’m more confused than mere words can convey.
My brother is working on a screenplay.
Remember, pedestrians always have the right of way.
I think pirates in training often feel alienated.
I wonder if the rent on my ship is prorated?
I am rubber, you are glue.
Oh yeah?
I’m shaking, I’m shaking!
OK, I give up!