Today was a bad day
. Today I packed all my things
, I'm moving out. Which might seem like something you look forward to
. Not in my case. If you for some weird reason
want to know more about me please check my writeup at December 31, 2003
Back? There, now you know.
I hate spending time with her. I used to love it, used to loath every moment spent apart. Now I long for the hours I can spend by myself, or with my friends. I want to go on, but some things still require contact. Damn.
She gets mad at me for being irritated and harsh. I finally stopped caring. She wants to be friends? Fine. Don't expect me to be "boy-friend"-nice to her though. Civil, polite, then I draw the line. Don't expect me to find this as relieving as she does.
While we were packing (she needed to help so that I didn't take any of her stuff) she got a message from the other man. And she started talking to him. Then I got mad. I used some rude language and for once it was me who was mad and her that was standing silent with nothing to say.
I can accept if we've grown apart. That happens. I can accept if we weren't right for each other. Sometimes it takes a while to find out. I can't accept that she dumped without giving me any sort of chance. I can't accept that she's chosen someone else instead of me. How could I? Why should I?
I'm feeling my emotions changing. Once they were all warm and caring. My loved one could do no wrong. I wanted to be close, be friends, 'cause that way we would soon be together again. Now I'm just feeling empty and cold and hard. If there is any love left, it's completely neutralized by the amount of hate I feel.
Why must I be such a good guy? Why can't I scream and break things? Why can't I ignore the reasonable action and act according to my primal urges? I don't want to be nice. Nice has gotten me nothing in all of this.
Oh, how I hate her.
I used to love her. I don't anymore.