5 cigarrettes gone, my state of happiness gone, life is shit as I know it.

I woke up with my heart racing. I still don't understand why. For a good hour it was beating abnormally. No matter what I did to calm down, I couldn't calm myself. So I succumbed to it and laid back down to rest. I fell into another slumber for about 40-50 minutes and dreamt I had been fighting with my father again. I've been having several dreams like that.
I was feeling a bit odd when I awakened, so I went outside to have a cigarrette and it ended up becoming five. I can't understand why I feel so damned depressed. I just can't.

Everything feels so damned absurd.

Being online has lost it's touch and now bores me beyond belief. I can't stand the internet. But it's the only way I can talk to most of the people I know.
No one ever calls me when I'm home anymore. So i have almost no social interaction with anyone else unless I go fishing.
It's my last week of freedom and yet I can't seem to enjoy it. Whats wrong with me?
Been waiting for July for the last 2 hours, but apparently hes a no show.
I need to leave this place, I should run, see how far I get. Then again no one would notice I'm gone so what purpose would it serve?
Fuck it, fuck life, two more years of this shithole and I'm out.