Today is the third day in a row that I have felt the pressure on my chest, making it hard for me to breathe. It's like a constant twisting, its not so bad but its always lurking in the background, deep inside of me. My mind keeps drifting to death, suicide, or maybe someone else's funeral. I get weird. I loose control in a sense. When I'm alone I clentch my fists and my face contorts. My tongue sticks out slightly inbetween my clentched teeth. My eyes feel like they are about to go cross eyed. Oh fuck, I couldn't resist, I just punched myself in the forehead a few times. The scissors beckon. I want to bleed. I want to cut. I want to hurt. I wish I could just slash myself a few times and pop the baloon that keeps on filling with hot air, exerting this horrible pressure on me. It hurts. Its a pain as subtle as hunger pangs. I t hurts. I want to die. I can't stop thinking about it.Stupid bitch. I hate my life. I don't even know why. I think I'm in trouble when I begin to wonder if God exists. Im at that stage. What if I'm doing it all wrong. I'm so scared. How am I supposed to know? What is wrong with me? I know that this will go away, but there's the fear that this time the funk will stay. I've been trying hard the whole day not to hit myself. I have this buning urge just to hit myself and hit myself and not stop. But I'm afraid of losing control. I'm afraid of giving myself a concussion. I feel so fat and ugly. I'm scared to go back to school. I'm already worrying about who I will eat lunch with on the first day. Im so scared. I just want to sleep.