I've been so stable
lately it's beginning to scare me.
A friend of mine from high school flew into town today, he's been gone for 2 years in the U.S. Army
. We actually "dated" in high school
, but it was one of those silly relationships where you don't even hold hands
. Later, though, just before he left for the Army, actually, we started really dating for a while and did the whole sex thing
. Which was weird in itself because I've known him so long as simply friends. I broke it off mainly because I had done it for the wrong reasons and he left.
So I saw him tonight
and he's really changed. I remember when I first knew him we'd talk on the phone
for hours on end about everything or nothing and there were so many depth
s to him I found amazing. Things went sour, because of me as usual, and he changed on me. I never saw those depths of him again. He covered it with goof
iness, being the clown. Sometimes I wondered if it was even there.
I found out it was tonight. It shocked me. He wasn't so goofy
- a total contrast I was shocked to silence. We talked as we once did long ago in a world very unlike the one now. He told me I was his first love
and still his only love, and that it hurt him because I never loved him back. And he's right. I never did. It's just weird, you know, that I never