i keep thinking today is sunday. i'm all messed up. the surgery went well, no complications.

i'm in pain. the worst i've ever felt. standing up i feel like my organs are hanging toward the ground from strands of stringy guts. when i lay down i feel like there is a concrete block on my stomach. i couldn't sleep much last night.

interestingly, before the surgery my blood pressure was 107/61 and my pulse was 60. interesting because i was nervous as all hell and expected them to be higher. unfortunately, the level of tegretol (my anticonvulsant medication) in my blood was low, and i was worried they may postpone the surgery, but it all turned out well (and they've up'd my dosage of tegretol, blech!)

i remember being wheeled into the operating room. i remember the anesthesiologist saying that she was putting something into my iv line to relax me. i remember looking around and smiling, then apologizing to the doctors that i was smiling. then i woke up. i couldn't see, everything was blurry. i knew where i was, i wasn't confused. but i was in pain. i couldn't help but cry.

i hurt so much that i was sure there were complications and they had done an open surgery instead of laparoscopic. as well, it seemed too much time had passed. when i looked at the clock, it was 3pm. i went in to surgery around 1pm. it should only have taken 45 minutes. the nurses reassured me that everything went well and i could see my family once the pain was tolerable.

after countless shots of ineffective morphine, they finally gave me a shot of demerol and something whose name i cannot recall. right in the ass. then i began to feel better. not good, but better. then i was allowed to see my family. first my sister came back, then she left and sent my mother and craig in (they'd only let two people in at a time).

by this time i just wanted to go home. so we gathered prescriptions and checked out and went home. once the demerol shot wore off, i started feeling like crap. i still feel like crap but it's fading. i think i'll be much better by sunday.

thanks to all who had me in their thoughts.