Irvine fuckin' Welsh is a fuckin' gobshite. Whit mair kin ah say? Ah cannie believe the wee cunt goat faimus jist fer swerrin like Oor Wullie did oan the day hiz Maw caught him wankin intae his bucket. Aw youse fuckin idjits write aboot the cunt like he wuz some smert-ersed Yooniversity buftie and aw the cunt ever daes is fuckin swerr. Ah tell ye, ony cunt kin fucking swerr, it disna take brains, ah kin assure ye o that.

Dae ye want to ken the real story aboot Irvine fuckin' Welsh? Ah'll tell ye - he's no even frae Leith! Ah'm frae Leith an ahve bided therr aw ma puff, and ah'd never heard o the cunt until he wrote that cuntin' book.

Ye ken whit it's a aboot? He's a Keelie. That's richt, ye heard me - he's a fuckin' Glesgae hiedbanger. Ken hoo a ken? Coz he's intae a yon drug shite and abody kens thurs nae drugs in Leith. A' the drugs in Scoatland ca' frae Glesgae. If ye dinna believe me, look in the shite he writes. Wha calls a Keelie a "weedgie"? No fuckin us, that's fur shure. Gleswegian - weedgie - d'ye git it? If he wisnae a Keelie hissel he'd ca them aw the fuckin' names we really ca the cunts.

Ah tell ye whit else... huv ye ever noticed hoo Welsh aye huz some cunt in his stories called Toal? Huv ye noticed as weel that Alasdair Gray's stories also hae some cunt called Toal in them? That's coz Gray and Welsh ur the same cunt! It's true ah'm telling ye, every wurd o it - ah read it in the Sunday Post. Alasdair Gray and Irvine fucking Welsh are baith the same cunt. He writes yin set of books fur Keelies about hoo braw Glescky uz, and another supposed tae be fur Leithers aboot hoo shite Edinburgh uz, but he jist diz it tae mak us look like wur fuckin' simpletons or summat. But ah ken the cunt noo, he's a Keelie bi the name o Aleck Gray Toal frae Irvine ower oan the West Coast and he aye writes his ain name intae his stories like he thinks he's fuckin Hitchcock or somebuddy. Lusten, ahm tellin ye, ah kent fuckin' Hitchcock and wee Ecky fucking Gray Welsh or whitever his name is this week is is nae fuckin' Hitchcock!

Ye ken whit yon Lanark book wiz? It wiz a the bits o leftower writing the cunt couldnae sell and he stitched them a thegither intae yin book and pretended like it wiz meant.

Well, like they sez in Glesgae, stitch this ye cunt!