Today it was void's turn to make me think. Think about childhood, growing up, my mother, myself, and my friends. Almost one year ago I completely changed my life. For all intents and purposes I am a completely different person than the one who grew up with my mother. And, since then, Everything has been so new and wonderful. I am building the types of friendships I always wanted at a rate I never believed possible. And it scares me. I'm opening up so fast to so many so soon... it's overwhelming. It makes me question my actions.
I've never done this before. My whole life has been spent moving from place to place. I spend a maximum of two years in a house and then move, many times it has been less than one. And, in doing so, I never let myself get close to anyone because I knew I would leave them very soon. But now, now that I have finally taken control of my life, and moved to the only town that ever felt like home to me, I am allowing myself to make those deeper connections with people. But it's all so new I wonder if I'm being too careless. Friendships have always been a very precious thing to me. The superficial "hang out at lunch and talk about work" relationships that most people have with each other barely count as aquaintances to me. And yet, I have at least four people moving into that position in my life right now. And I'm having to completely wing it. To play it all by ear...
And then there was Karen. Void and I spoke about keeping up old friendships and I realized that she was the only one I actively worked to keep. She, whom I loved for so many years. She who has become my best friend in the world again. She who makes me wonder if some part of me is not still in love with her. I know that nothing could happen between us now, but we have both grown so much in our separation, and some day we may each be in a place where we can be more than friends again... and what then?
Thank you for your questions void, and thank you for your curiosity.