Throughout the years I've forced myself to think of sex as "just sex... just an act... just sex". After encountering a number of men who only wanted that from me, and many who I gave it to, it ate me up inside. After waking up after a blackout next to a sleazy acquaintance I was in shock. After going through an abortion I was mentally, emotionally and physically numb. After being celibate for 2 years I became stronger mentally and emotionally, but when the time came that I was in a relationship (where I stand currently), I've found myself unreceptive to pleasure. I've found it takes so much more for me to actually enjoy the pleasures that he has to give. I have too much control over my body. I cannot relax. I cannot give in. Perhaps it's a trust issue, or a fear issue, or a pain issue, but I feel sexually desensitized. It's not fair. I don't know how to let go, to succumb.

Thanks for the advice mblase & TheLady, TheLady you are soooo right about everything, you seemed to hit the nail on the head.