some days I can't do maybe

when it's maybe maybe maybe

when I am vulnerable sad tired or stressed

I have two patients dying

expected and appropriate

but their families cry

and now I have a family member

in hospice, just heard this morning

a new grandmother

I remember my mother

and my grandmother

and my other dead

sister father mother grandparents aunts uncles

friend in college

friends, patients, loss

soon I'll know more dead then living

some days I turn off my phone

some days I need to lean on a sure thing

some days I can't lean on maybe

so I would rather not