i wrote this a while ago at h2g2 but i guess the editors never really liked it. oh well. another hamster-related node from yours truly.

A Man and His Animals

Since the dawn of time, man has sought to dominate the earth and all its inhabitants. He first began with the slow-moving beasts such as the cow, ox, and sheep. When these animals failed to present a challange to him, man strove to domesticate the faster, slightly more intelligent creatures like the cat and dog. In recent centuries, humans have undertook the task of taming traditionally wild animals such as lions, tigers, bears, and octopi. However, since there is nothing to gain from these animals in terms of productivity, man has decided to degrade them and force them to perform for his amusement. Elephants, dolphins, seals, birds, and many other perspicacious creatures routinely engage in frivolous acts designed to entertain the less-descriminating tastes of the common man. Seeking a challenge that he has not yet conquered, man now looks to his final, climactic battle with the undomitable spirit of. . .the hamster.

Hamster History

Renowned the world over for its disarming cuteness, the hamster is still a mystery to man. "Surely this furry fiend is up to no good," the first person to encounter the hamster must have mused, "for he sleeps all day and goes about his business in the dark coverings of night as if he has something to hide." From this suspicion arose a desire to gain dominion over the brute and indeed, the hamster was soon domescticated and became a staple in the family pet trade.

The "Joys" of Revolving Rodents

This is where the story should end, but instead, it takes a sickening turn. A hamster is not the most agile of animals. The only physical blessings the hamster seems to have been given is the ability to squeeze through small openings and shove things into its cheeck pouches. Surely, the hamster was never meant to dance. But some individual, thinking only of the end profit and nothing of the animal's welfare, chose to inflict this unnatural horror upon the hamster. All day, all night, the hamsters at HamsterDance.com are subjected to this unmerited punishment. There should have been an outcry from the general public, or at least from PETA to stop the cruelty, but there was none. In fact, there was laughter. Maniacal, evil laughter that only perpetuated the wrongdoing and condoned the sin. The public has neither shame nor conscience.

And the hamsters dance on.