Many of the Wal-Mart stores around these parts have a miniature McDonald's restaurant inside the building somewhere. It is used by the sheep-like consumers when they grow hungry during their perusal of low cost, low utility products.

In front of each of these stores is a park bench, and invariably perched upon this park bench is a big plastic Ronald McDonald. Old Ronald does pretty well as a plastic statue, he's quite shiny and brightly colored, and life-like enough to make me think he was a real dude dressed in a suit the first couple of times I saw him. The pose is always the same (because he's injection molded, I presume), a cheerful, ingratiating smile, and his arm stretched around the other side of the bench, so when you sit down his arm is around you. He's quite visually effective, and a few of my friends and myself have gotten our picture taken with Ronald's arm around us at eight am after a night filled with youthful excess.

At any rate, my idea has always been to wire a speaker up under or inside of Ronald, and then talk through him from a walkie-talkie at a safe distance. Not a speaker loud enough to bother the McDonald's employees or the Wal-Mart Police Force, but with just enough volume to be heard by somebody who was sitting next to him on the bench. When somebody actually did sit down, say a five year old or a mother of three, I would say something, uh, appropriate.

Perhaps something along the lines of:
You know, all of my skin is the same color as my face.
Care to see my McHardon?
(whispered) Kill your parents kill your parents kill your parents kill your parents...
You have no idea how hard it is to wash blood out of this suit.
Hey, kid, why don't you scoot about four inches closer to my lap!
Do you ever think about somebody you love getting cancer?

This could possibly lead to my arrest, but it'd be pretty funny, eh?