anger like a storm building up inside me

I am so angry angry angry angry angry and I don't know what to make of it. I'm childish and immature, but to be honest, so is everyone else out there who gives a damn about anything. I don't think I've ever been this angry. Fuck, I don't even know what I'm angry about, that's the worst part. Fuck fuck fuckety-fuck. Maybe it's because I'm tired, or hungry, or because I don't know where I'm going. Or because I do know where I'm going and it scares the shit out of me. Maybe it's because I'm restless, or because I can't speak to my own mother without crying, or because whenever I try to help someone I end up falling with them and we all lie there in a pile on the floor like absurdist clowns from Waiting for Godot. Maybe I'm angry because roadkill makes me want to shoot all the mean motherfuckers who buy SUV's one by one and throw their testosterone-riddles bodies onto the highway where they will decay and rot and make people want to vomit.

Or maybe, just maybe, it's because I've surrounded myself with people I love and I still feel completely alone. And maybe I'm growing to like it. The world doesn't seem to be moving for me anymore, just spinning like a ballerina. I think I need to get out of here, or give myself a hug, or read a really good book. I think I need some space to be angry in. I need a baseball bat and a pumpkin and a robot to follow me around cleaning up my messes; because there are so many I've left behind. I didn't mean to, sometimes, I just....forget. Forgive me, please, for my anger. Someday it will turn into passion and we will all be thankful

[Moved here by editors 12/15/2002]