Going slowly insane
While the fracture
has stabilized enough within the cast
so that I can type
, I cannot hold a pen and thus cannot write
in my journal. This is a bad thing
. I feel like I'm all stopped up inside... like experiences and feelings are accruing in me with no outlet.
I suppose this would be tolerable if I were having a normal time of things... but I am not. In fact this is an extremely abnormal time. The dissolution of the company I helped found... all of this strange free time in between intense due diligence by prospective buyers. I've met a couple of cool new people...
But I can't write about any of it. Not in the manner I normally do... the tradition I've formed is on hold.
The result is that I've become a bit a-emotional. Perhaps stunned... like too much toxic residue is forming in me. I've taken to walking everywhere rather than driving. I've probably put 15 miles on my shoes since last Wednesday. That has helped... If I can't write at least I've had the extra time to think.
Kessenich: Thanks for the feedback. The discrete things I'm experiencing aren't soul-rending bad - they're nasty but tolerable. It's the combinationh of events and not being able to hold a pen and scratch them out into my tomes that makes this so trying. They're unexercised... laying about inside me. Gnawing.
I do notice the other walkers. I don't think I will join them ultimately. The cast is off in a little more than a week. Then I'll do much writing.
To put this in a bit of perspective I'll let on that I've been keeping a journal since I was 12. Now I'm 27 so that makes for 15 years of it. Since around the age of 18 I've been writing at least once a day - often two and three times a day. I can't remember the last time there was even a one-week break in my journaling. If I misplace a book for a while or leave my backpack somewhere, I usually just pry open a new book and consolidate the writing later.