Some things, I just plain don't get.
Those "yellow lanes". Yesterday on my way to work, I accidentally got onto the North 51, and (having little idea exactly where that goes) got off it after a couple miles, and began the harrowing experience of crossing from one side of
Phoenix to the other on
surface streets, right at the beginning of
rush hour. Anywho, I wound up on 7th Street, where (to my
shock and horror) I found that, due to it being between 4 and 6 PM, the 'yellow lanes' were for northbound traffic.
Now, I've always thought this was stupid, but having never really driven through Phoenix before (and having never driven in any other big city that might do similarly wacky things with their roads), I never realized *how* stupid it was until now. The idea is that there's going to be a lot of
traffic, so opening up the yellow lane will help alleviate it, right? Here's the thing, though: Because the yellow lanes are open to traffic,
left turns are illegal. So, let's say it's the middle of rush hour, traffic's moving at a steady ten miles an hour... and you're stuck in the leftmost lane. You have to cross two or three lanes just in order to get off this street, and trust me, those other drivers are not going to make it easy for you. (Granted, this is true on the
freeway too; but if you're on there, chances are you weren't planning to get off too quickly anyhow.) So essentially, you could get stuck going north (as I was) all the way out of the city (or at least to Dunlap, which is where the yellow lanes closed on 7th Street - luckily, I had to go farther north than that). In other words, it's
creating more traffic.
24-Hour "Adult" Shops. Unless you live in a particularly
prude area (or one that's far from a major city), you've probably heard commercials for "Castle Megastore" or some other chain of "adult" stores. (Sidenote: Why do they call things related to
sex "adult"? If you didn't know what it was Castle Boutique sells, would it really help you at all to know that it's for "adults"? For all you know, they could be a gourmet
tobacco shop. I should note that
Spider-Man's first appearance was in a comic book called "Amazing Adult Fantasy", and I'm reasonably sure that there was no nudity in that, so this must be a relatively new thing.) The other night I heard a commercial for them, and I noticed that they make a big point of saying that they're "open 24 hours a day". Wow, now that's service. Seriously, I can just picture the scene of their next commercial: It's
3AM, and after a long night of partying, the host is getting it on with a complete stranger in his parents' bedroom. (I forgot to mention: he's 26, unemployed, isn't in school, and is still living at home with Mom, Dad, and Great Uncle Maurice.) Just when things are about to get
X-rated, he remembers: "Damn, I forgot the
handcuffs at
Jenna's place, and there's no way she'll let me get them... not after that incident involving
spreader bars,
whipped cream, and her
ant farm. Well, off to Castle Megastore!"
I mean, really. I can think of a lot of things that could use 24-hour service a lot more than a
sex shop. Like... a grocery store. Or a
mechanic. Or
tech support. Or the
post office. Or the
library. Or public computer terminals. Or
fast food. In fact, about the last thing I absolutely need access to at any time of the day is a one-stop shop for
Hustler,
vibrators, and Asia Carrera's latest
softporn pseudo-
lesbian video. Not that I'd know anything about any of that. (Psst... what's this "
dill-dough"? Sounds like some kind of
vegetarian dish.)
The "demographic doublethink" on the part of American Christians. There are many Christians in this nation who will make the claim that Christians in general are "persecuted" or otherwise in the minority throughout the country. Part of the rationale for this is the claim that many people who call themselves "Christians" are only nominally religious or don't practice in ways becoming Christians (a common ploy is "Nobody who believes in
evolution is a Christian"). Fine. If you believe that "real" Christians are in the minority, that's your prerogative. (It's also my prerogative to laugh hysterically and call you an idiot - and maybe point out that you're committing the
No True Scotsman fallacy while I'm at it.)
However, when a
court makes some ruling enforcing
church-state separation, or when there's a scandal over a
Hindu or
Taoist or
Wiccan chaplain, or when an
atheist publicly protests the fact that the
Boy Scouts are discriminating against their kid, it's often these same people who make broad proclamations about
the United States being a "Christian Nation" and that the "Christian Majority" should be able to do this or that without the interference of these small, insignificant minorities. So which is it? Either you're a majority or you're not! You can't have it both ways.
Jack Chick. Seriously, how does he stay in business? At last count, he hates
Catholics,
Jehovah's Witnesses,
Anglicans,
Muslims,
Mormons, Hindus,
Buddhists,
Native Americans (unless they're Christian), atheists,
gays, rock musicians (both Christian and
secular), evolutionists,
lawyers,
doctors,
Halloween,
Freemasons,
mediums,
role-playing games, and anyone in general that doesn't believe in
Jesus and that the
King James Bible is the
literal word of God. No doubt I'm missing some things, too. My guess is that a lot of people buy his
tracts just for their humor value. Now
that would be ironic; if atheists and various moderate-to-liberal Christians were responsible for maintaining Jack Chick's livelihood.