Uhh... I couldn't go to sleep, so I called my friend Chris, and in a very threatening voice I said unto him "You must never DO Emo!" and hung up immediately. Then I wrote this letter to him, and gave it to him in school. He figured it was me, and told me I was demented. Maybe I am - or maybe I'm the sanest person he knows (probably the former)...


I had a nightmare. I believe it to be a sign. I dreamt that you were in the mosh of a Sunny Day Real Estate concert, if you could call it a mosh. There was no cheering, there was nothing but hell's infernal "The Prophet" playing ominously in the background. You were clothed in a vacant smile; and adorned in the primary colors: gray, black, and brown. Holy god, it was horrible. Lifeless eyes stared up as if to welcome the psychological carnage. The horror, Chris, the horror. And the children wandered the Earth, endlessly, looking for some kind of relief to their suffering. But they were always drawn back; back to their accursed EMO!

Then you were on stage. Your clean cut, "Intellectual" glasses, and smiling pop face made you indistinguishable from the zombies below. Save for the fact that this time, you were the one ripping their souls away. Vainly, you sang allusions to how weak you are and how small your penis is (for the Emo makes it shrink, you know), masturbating your soulless spirit on the sympathetic moans of others. And God didest try to smite thee, but the forces of Lucifer were amassing. Nazis roamed the street in packs, like wild dogs looking for women to dog-rape. And then they became dogs, and I ran naked through the streets, crying to the Lord "Why?"

But the Lord did not give my enemies reprisal, instead, you came in fiery horror to me and spoke the words:

We're loyal like brothers
Just us versus all the others.
I trusted misleading promises worth repeating.
How could you do this to me?

--"Red Letter Day", The Get Up Kids

And in so doing, I burst into flame, and the world was thus shroud in eternal darkness. Nazis roamed the street, ravaging diner after diner until the only places left to eat in the city were run down pubs, which only served reheated pizza because the pub owners really didn't serve food, only beer. {Emo beer]! And goats had sex with babies and people used flame throwers to brush their teeth. The devil grinned, and the world smiled and nodded; because the devil, in the end, is the ultimate personification of Emo itself, and you his messiah.

So I must implore of you, do not experiment with Emo, Chris. Lord knows what things exist down that road.