I'm sitting on the
floor of my
dorm room on a pile of blankets, slumming the 'net at 3
am. It's one of those
days where my lofted
bed makes me claustrphobic so i'm sleeping on the floor amongst a lovely
nest of bedding. I'm sipping a
tasty blend of
vodka,
grape juice and sprite of all things, and realizing that i'm, after all,
happy.
Life's not as bad as it seems sometimes. I've got friends--good friends, and ones i think for once are true. I can talk to them about things that matter to me, and they talk back. They trust me. I can talk about anything to them, and they listen--not judge and not walk away. They tell me they'll be here for me for GOOD, and for once i believe them.
My grades for once are good. This is going to be the first semester i haven't failed any class since i've been in college. I still haven't put in my change of degree papers, but i should be able to do that in the next week. It looks like i've got 3 B's and a C for the semester, unless i bomb or ace a final. I'm satisfied. I've never been more than a straight B student, and the one class i've got lower than that in is psych, a class so designed to weed out students that literally half the 300 student class is failing. I've worked my butt off in communications and amd pulling a good B in it. I hate public speaking more than ANYTHING so i'm quite happy.
I'm about to apply for a summer job i REALLY want--working on a functional re-enactment 1800's ranch in the texas hillcountry. I hate this century, i love the past, and above all i'm a texas history buff, so i'll be thrilled if i get this job. I finally got the app today in the mail. And to have a summer job that lets me play with horses is just what i want. And the bset part is, if i get this job, it pays nearly 900 dollars more than i expected. That'll go a long way to furnishing my apartment for next year.
Most of all i have my wonderful sweet love, my mcc. He's lying next to me, asleep, curled up in a navy sheet and he has no idea i'm writing this. He was buried in the sheet all the way up to his beautiful black hair, looking adorable. I pulled the sheet down to look at his face while he slept. he looks so peaceful when he's asleep. So innocent and carefree and happy. It's beautiful for me to see. He's so stressed so much of the time, awake. School, family, summer jobs, all the norms are giving him a really rough time right now. But when he's asleep none of this matters. Only being asleep and being with someone he trusts and loves matters. It still amazes me he trusts me enough to sleep in my presence; it still amazes me i trust HIM enough to sleep by him. I kiss his cheek while he rests and he smiles. I squeeze his hand and even asleep he squeezes back. I've given my life to this man, but every time i turn around he still suprises and amazes me.
Ten days from now we'll have been together three years (handfasted for a year and a half of that). I can't believe it's been that long. I can't believe he's stayed by me all that time. I can't believe we have that many years so many many times over in the future. Andrew, my dearest, i love you and i always will.