I look over at my husband and he waves something at me. 'Look! It's a new penis!' He turns away from me for a moment, does something, and there it is, a brand new penis. It has a grey cast to it's flesh tone and is a little bit bigger than my beloved's original.

I stand there with my jaw hanging open. 'How the hell did you do that?' He looks at me like duh. 'I took my old one off and put the new one on.' He hands me his old penis. I stare at it and then back at him. 'That's not possible. You'd have to sever nerves and blood vessels and you wouldn't ... I want to see you do it.'

He turns to the side so I can see a profile. He takes his old penis back, sorta slides it over the current one and then does ... something, and the new penis is attached and the grey one is being handed back to me. I'm like, wtf, this has to be a dream.

He turns to reattach the grey one, but I jerk him forward to face me and see what is actually going on.

His original penis is not real

I see that his real real penis is actually about the size and shape of my pinkie finger, a bloodshot purple/flesh color, like an elbow. This entire time, his supposed original penis was just a sheath that fit over his little pathetic non-penis.

At my incredulous and shocked expression, he says defensively, 'It's completely non functional. It's always been that way. How am I supposed to deal with a non-functional penis?'

I struggle with myself for a bit. I love him. I can deal with this.

'Well', I half joke, 'As long as this is not a genetic thing that'll get passed on to our kids..'

He gives me a flat stare. 'I'm sterile.'

I look toward the ceiling and start to wail.

He laughs and turns away.

I wake up.

tell me what my dream means.