• A saleman shouting trying to sell me something from the closet for four hours.
  • Pregnant in a room full of pregnant women. I looked at my legs and see lacey delicate blue veins, amazed that my blood volume has increased by 80%. A new friend has gone off to the restroom with all the others. All the seats are saved, a mystery book on one chair, my grandfathers 1812 silver dollar on another. The only one left for me is by itself near the window. Sitting watching the planes land.
  • Pastor Paul wanted me to read from the Book of Archives in the New Testament Apocrypha. Embrassed I sat mutely while everyone waited ......unable to speak because I couldn't remember which verse .
  • Dancing on a field of lustrous transparent burgundy cloth woven from silken, velvety mango fibers.

Where to begin...Hmmm... Although I don't lavish the concept of revisiting this again, I feel that, hopefully, getting it out in the open that I will be able to let it go of it and stop dwelling on it.

(( Dream Sequence ))

I was at my PC, doing some sort of coding on some progect and exchanging messages with my GF on ICQ. Then I got a message from her that made no sense until I somehow realised that this message was not inteded for me, but for someone else on her contact list:

no, my boyfriend doesn't suspect a thing. he still thinks i've never kissed anyone but him. he's so stupid he believes me when i say i think about him when we make out.

...I felt so betrayed and so very enraged. The next thing I know, I'm standing in her room, tears streaming down my face as she laughs at me for being so stupid.. for thinking anyone would ever love me.

I woke up soon after that. I had clenched my fists so tight in my sleep, I cut my palms with my fingernails. Why do I have these dreams, anyway? I know she loves me. Why won't my psyche just let me be happy for once?

To The Promised Land

  • August, Leticia and I are part of a group of pilgrims about to travel to our legendary promised land. According to our scripture, the trip is to be made by wading out into the ocean on a winding sand bar that will eventually lead us to a new island paradise. The water is freezing cold, but according to myth it will become warmer as we get closer to the promised land. We've all packed up our things on top of our heads and begin the trek. After a long time, we realize the water is not getting warmer. In fact, it is getting colder, and we fear for our lives as there is no paradise in sight. August and I halt the train and consult for a while. We decide to head for the nearest island and attempt to charter a ship. Our people follow us as we've somehow been elected as their leaders.

    Upon arrival at the foreign island, we are greeted with a strange sight: thousands of people camped on the beach and all of them up and beckoning us closer, cheering and shouting. We're a little taken aback, but when we step onto the beach the people surround us with smiles and hugs, blessing and praising us. Some even bow down on the ground at our feet. Soon a group of what are obviously priests arrive and take our group up into the city. An impromptu parade begins as the natives follow and sing along the way. Once in town, the priests take August and I up into a large golden building and we finally get some answers. We had just fulfilled their prophecy, which foretold the coming of the chosen people from across the water on this very day; in addition, this group would be led by the chosen Two who would lead the island people to the promised land and then transform the world into Heaven on Earth by awakening all people inside the lucid dream of reality, obliterating the illusion of death and ressurecting all souls who had passed on.

    August and I looked at each other, and the whole scene seemed very familiar. The priests placed large ivory bracelets on our arms and said I was Ganesh and August was something I can't remember. When they are through, we walk out onto a balcony and there are the citizens of the island, multitudes gathered to witness the birth of the "divine word". A cacophanous roar of voices and clapping goes up into the air as we are spotted. Again, the scene is strangely familiar. I seem to know that we are not supposed to address the crowd from this spot. I look around and to the far right I spy a tall, golden pyramidal tower with a sheer staircase climbing the front. I point it out to August and he nods. Dream ends.

Today I had my first lucid dreaming experience.

My roommate's alarm went off. He got up to go to class. I have only one class today -- on account of the holiday -- and it's a couple hours away. I should get up and unpack and go to breakfast.

But I miss my dream. I want it back. I was visiting Ailinh at UCSD and having the time of my life. I only sawr her for some three hours over break. And the class isn't that important. It's a year-long class, so it's not like I'm missing the first day or anything. So I go back to sleep, determined to find out what happens in the rest of that dream.

And there I am, talking to Ailinh. Better than awake. And suddenly it hits me: I am having a dream. (The irony of this hits me just now.) But here's the catch: I don't wake up! I always wake up. It goes something like this:

  • Realize something funny is going on.
  • Conclude "This is a dream."
  • Develop an itch or a sneeze within the next five seconds.
  • Wake up.
Ah, but this time was different. I was in control. I started (rather immediately) by kissing her, the way I used to daydream about, so very long ago. When real life confounds you, dreams are the best alternative. And now I have them at my disposal.

The first thing I learned: There aren't really any physical sensations, so all of that is pretty boring.

Anyway, I woke up to find that I had already slept through my class, so I went back to sleep and was treated to a delightful detective story on and off for the next four hours. I remember walking along a very narrow bridge over a dry valley in front of a large house that I had seen in a video game themed dream some weeks ago. The plot revolved around an important blonde girl. At one point I tried explaining to a few people that it was my dream and I was in control, but I was unable to prove this.

All in all, it was a very pleasant experience which reminded my that I do have some control over my life (even if I can't even figure out what's wrong with my hard drive) and I am not forever doomed to dreams about hotels and puzzles.

The night before I had a night out on the town. (Well, as much of a night on the town someone as nerdy as me and under-21 will ever have.) I got home at about 3 am, and crashed hard. During my 10 hours of sleep I had a strange dream which I was lucky enough to remember. Here is my attempt at narrating the silly, senseless, and truely scary story:

Tommorrow is the last day of high school. Unfortunately, before I can graduate, there is a large amount of work due on the last day. Although every student has had ample time to complete their assignments, I am facing the effects of my precarious position of procrastination. By tommorrow, I must turn in 6 specially baked cakes, all different types, as well as 2 different essays.

The last class of today just ended, and I go to play cards with my friends. We are at a bookstore, in the cafe section. We are completely alone, the only ones in the store. The front wall of the store is made almost entirely out of glass and anyone inside the cafe can see the parking lot. My friends compare progress with the assignments due tommorrow; I lie and say that I have 4 cakes left when in fact I have not started any of the work. I am told it will be hard doing all those cak ... Someone else intejects, "Matt, somebody almost hit your car!"

I turn around. I yell, "WHY IS MY CAR BACKING OUT OF THE PARKING LOT?" I look closer: Upon inspection, I see a figure holding a shotgun in my car. He gets out of the car, and looks at us, realizing that we have caught him in the act. By the time he turns to look at the store, we have all scampered behind a couch, hidden.

As I call 911 on my cell phone, I peek out from the side of the couch. The criminal is pacing around the front of the store, looking for us, shotgun aimed. We are all scared shitless.

"911, What is your emergency?" "Somebody just tried to steal my car; Now he is looking for us and he has a shotgun." "Where are you?" "Barnes and Noble, Preston and Beltline. No one else is here, for some reason." "There is a cop in that shopping center. You'll have to find him and signal to him that you're in trouble, somehow."

The operator hangs up. Why couldn't she just tell him??

I try calling 911 again but I don't get an answer.. Meanwhile the criminal is still searching the store, looking. After what seems like an eternity, he exits the store and proceeds to drive off in my car.


One of my friends volenteers to let me stay at his place until I can get my car back. All of the original group is there. We call the police, and give them the relevant info. They say they'll start looking. Meanwhile I am wondering how the hell I am going to make all 6 of those cakes and write both essays in time for tommorrow. I try to get these things accomplished, but I am distracted by what just happened to me. I cannot think. What am I going to do? I just lost my car, and I'm going to fail high school. I can't do anything.

By chance we see my car drive by. Since we figure the police aren't getting anything done, we pile into my friend's car and we follow mine. Eventually, it pulls into a parking lot of an abandoned business center. By now it is night and very dark outside. The criminal gets out of his (well, my) car and starts to walk down a path too small for a car to go down. We exit the vehicle and follow suit. Something goes wrong: Someone makes a noise; we are discovered. All four of us run in different directions and find suitable hiding spots.

Mine wasn't good enough. The criminal finds me, and I am taken as a hostage. Thrown around with a shotgun barrel sticking into the back of my head. He continues down the path until he gets to a building at the end. We walk in.. and there is a police officer sitting in the lobby, behind a large desk.

I am clenched tighter to this stranger. Threats are made. The cop keeps his cool and attempts to negotiate. I am very scared, I am literally fearing for my life. Well into the negotation, at one moment the criminal gets careless. He turns around, surveying the building. The gun being held at me has now become a perfunctory act and is now barely aimed at my foot. At that instant, the cop behind the desk holds his arm out toward me and gives me a look. I know exactly what he wants me to do. I grab his hand and try to jump over the desk while he pulls me over. The criminal realizes what is happening as soon as I begin to leap. He turns around and begins to leap over the desk as well. As soon as I land, I crouch under the desk and wait for the cop to pull out his gun.

And wait. And wait. Time seemed to move very slowly. Under the desk, I see the criminal land in front of me. He points his shotgun at me. Clic...

... And I wake up, scared as hell.

I know it's not very realistic, but no dreams are. It is probably open for interpretation but I don't really want to think about that now..

I'm in the bathroom getting dressed. It's a dorm on the 12th floor of the building and the hallways are labyrinthine and interconnected. Someone started working the doorknob, trying to get in. I stayed silent, knowing what was on the other side of the door was evil. I got my clothes on and bolted out the other door, knowing that whatever it was trying to get in would be through that door soon.

I ran through halls, knowing my way and heading for the stairs. I had to get away. I had to get out of the building. The other boys stared as I ran past but nobody said anything. I passed the auditorium as I ran and finally got to the stairs. I headed down.

The stairs wound around and around and around as I descended floor by floor until finally, when it seemed like I'd never get away from them, they ended and I pelted out the stairwell doors and into the lobby.

I ran full force into the glass doors of the lobby, and they were locked. I knew they would be and after banging on them for a few minutes, the guard opened them, releasing me from the building. I looked back, but the thing that was after me hadn't come down and into the lobby yet.

I ran down the street and across, coming to a large gathering. The rich and influential were lined up in their fancy cars, getting ready to flee. There were volunteers all over, helping put up banners and bunting on the cars, proudly declaring their affiliation with the Nazi Party. I milled around for a moment and then started helping to put up the decorations.

I knew that they were wrong, that what they stood for was wrong, but I had to escape. I had to somehow get a ride away from this place, and so I kept helping, just like the other boys, trying to please one of the people in the cars enough that they would take me with them.

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