In some relationships, the people basically take one day at a time. They enjoy every moment they share, mostly, and find balance. Maybe one of them is waiting for everything to end, some question that cannot be answered or some facet of the union to falter and spark a domino effect. Sometimes, one or both hangs in there just to see if things get better, if they have been bad for a while. I am usually the one who tries to enjoy myself in the relationship but also tries to not expect too much. In every facet of a relationship, there is the capacity to want too much or to not give enough.

When you are on the periphery of another relationship, it is hard not to take sides, not to favor one person over another, depending on which person you met first. The people on the periphery of my longest lasting relationship were mostly his friends, yet they mostly sided with me when the end came. The same thing happened with my last ex; people who knew him for a long time sided with me. While I take these to be good omens that I was a good SO, I tender that with caution, as gossip and updates and opinions readily fly and not many people will stay out of it once they've been hit up for an opinion on the subject. I am also the type who craves opinions and advice, to reinforce that I made the right choice when I ended it. I have ended every relationship I have been in.

A girl I was friends with briefly in college married her sweetheart from her home town; I was with her when they first started hanging out. Another girl I was closer with did the same thing; they both worked with me as tutors in the English department. The former split up after 5 years of marriage, the latter got married last year and have been together about 7 years before getting married. We were all with our own guys all through college together, and the outcomes are all different.

As KC and I drifted apart, her husband and I became friends. We both pondered over the changes in KC over the years and after 2 children, and I guess we both saw that it would all end one day. I knew this when I was moving here 5 years ago and gave them our waterbed (my ex's and mine). I knew this when I heard she had gotten pregnant the first and second time.

It was hard not to feel like some traitor because I talked to him in confidence and not her. This feeling grows when I realize that our mutual friend Evonne knows the news now too. The female friends of KC's will rally her, and I will not. Maybe because like Jake, I mourned the changes in KC and was angry at her for shutting me out. I could see Jake's point but not hers. Also, I have a brother who had his own issues with his ex wife and because I look up to my brother, I often sided with him. He is blood, and she was never close to me anyway.

However, it is still hard to accept. Jake will likely come to visit me and Evonne and I will likely not talk about KC at all, unless I ask. KC will further slip into shadows, and there will be one less person from my memory that I can conjure up.

Suzy, Bryan, Ken, Carson and I went out for dinner at Juan's last night, then watched Fight Club and had a few beers over at Ken's. It's odd when we all get together, because it's so rare and infrequent. Ribbons of conversation get tangled up across the table. Sometimes it's comforting just to have a handful of bodies in a room staring at a TV screen, and sometimes it's apparent that if we hadn't all met on E2, well, we would never have met. Oklahoma, Mississippi, Maryland, Tennessee, Georgia, Texas, Virginia. Suzy, Bryan, and Ken have been here the least amount of time and they seem to have filled up their lives quite nicely, while Carson and I seem to be always falling behind in meeting people. We are all looking forward to the gathering next weekend. We are all looking to the future with hope and longing.