Neds, Townies,
Scallies,
Scum. A common part of
British village or town and sometimes city life is avoiding these, something
hard to do in several locations (EG
Rhyl,
Manchester,
Arsenal,
Wrexham).
Normally coming from Birmingham, Manchester or Liverpool or at least claiming to, they stalk round with blank expressions on their faces in groups of about three to twelve. They rarely go on their own anywhere, and will either be walking with hands in their pockets and swaying slightly- this seems intentional- or out low like an ape. This is not the only connection these stoop-stood semi-humans have with primates.
They often look weak, but are commonly psychotic bastards who stay in groups so they can more easily beat people up. This is the reason they are packs. Their skin is often pale or fake-tanned due to staying indoors all the time and only going out at night, working in a chip-shop or such. They can be relatively pleasent when alone (except they always tend to use the word "fuck" in place of a comma,) but nonetheless they itch many up the wrong way.
Loud-speaking and spitting on the floor if male or chewing gum and swearing often if female, they are often incredibly stupid, but this is not a rule. They can be quite proficient in a few things, and some of them even go on to prosper and have a good life. If there is one good point to these people, they do seem to be good fathers when they're not getting drunk, something they do with alarming regularity.
Townieism affects those from the twelve to twenty region, but it can carry from about eight to the thirties. Those who are townies often spawn more, taking after their parents.
Slack-jawed, dirty and with more a slur than any accent, they walk round in white or dark blue tracksuits and shell-suits, wearing a baseball cap that hides gelled or tied-back hair, and often lots of jewelry. They favour cocktails and such with Vodka, trying to get sozzled and not truly enjoy the taste of anything. Some of them do drink from cans, but not socially. Townies tend to infest a bar which then becomes a townie-only zone but for those fools who walk in.
Townies, too, are bullies. They attack anyone different from them with (often quite creative) insults, overswearing and finding the louder they speak the more effect they have. When talking like this doesn't work, they attack, normally in pack, with weapons if available. They often attack for no reason when they have managed to leave soberitey behind. They fight with ferocity and cruelty, punching people and only kicking a downed foe in the head in when thay can, and often attack by surprise with dirty fighting. They attack in full with no thought for defence, not caring about after-effects.
The townie often listens to rap, hip-hop and other "black" music, though tecnically they're listening to urban music. They also enjoy bad techno or hardcore techno alongside dance music. They are the kind of people who own the "blow your whistle" CD and still actually play it.
Often smokers of some kind, they are not averse to drugs, often going to the harder side with heroin and crack. Cannabis is incredibly prevailent amoungst them, and a townie who is not ingesting some mind-altering substance is rare.
Particularly bad is their aversion to anyone different- they hate Goths, Geeks, Nerds, and all other social groups- the only one they really have trouble with is Goths, the other rulers of the night. Townie- Goth fights are common, and due to the fact they come in packs, Townies often win.
They particulalry seem to hate Indians, Kurds, Bengalis and Pakistanis if they have an accent, all of whom they refer to as Pakistani or "Paki". Those without seem to be kosher, for some reason.
They also despise Jews, Christians, Geeks, and basically everyone who isn't black or another white townie and many homosexuals. It's not true that they are entirely homophobic, but they are when it's a non-townie who is, and even then it's only the females allowed. They also use what's termed as ghetto-slang, hang round in gangs, and generally do all they can to make it seem like they should have been born in a ghetto in the Bronx.
Townies often drink for no reason but to drink. They spend more on booze than on anything, and malnutrition will undoubtedly be prevailent amoungst them soon.
The women tend to wear huge earings and lots of gold, with the men wearing rings and meddalions. Many of them think they should have been born black, and all of them (who are not also nazis or such) respect blacks more than non-townie whites.
Clothing wise, they wear things such as tracksuits and shell suits, loving to wear Kappa, Nike, Adidas, and other sportswear makes. Alcohol, drugs, music, and clothes are where their money goes, not that they have much in their little poor hovels, flats and bedsits. They are street-hanging scum, hence the name townie; they are like the tarmac, stuck to the floor of the town.