I don't get to write as much as I used to since I seem to have found a life now! Where do I begin? Well, the discussion of marriage has been brought up in my relationship with Fred. This is something I never ever thought I would even consider. I have been married before. I went through a horrible nine months of absolute hell. I was not allowed to have friends, a car, limited use of the phone.....well, you get the idea. After the divorce was all said and done, it left me with a not so positive outlook on marriage. But, somehow, I have met someone who I could see myself with for a very, very long time. A person who has a heart of gold, who loves me for who I am, who makes me laugh at his silly songs, someone who is real. More real then anyone I have ever met. We seem to be connected. We finish each others sentences. We think the same things. We have the same, sick and twisted sence of humor, and its great! I'm not saying I am ready to get married right now. Because I am not. But I do know that I have found someone worth holding onto.

We did get a little drunk last night, and on the way home, Fred sort of opened up to me. He doesn't really open up to much, so when he does, I pay complete attention. I think he is somewhat scared. He's been dicked over before in past relationships, so I can understand. I am a little frightened myself, but that slight bit of fear makes me want it just that much more. Love is a complicated thing.