An Open Letter To The One I Have Wronged

Liz, I don't know if you'll ever read this, or if you'll realize it was addressed to you. I can only write this hoping that it will help others who might make mistakes like mine.

Almost four years ago, we met in a driver education classroom. We were the only two students learning stick shift driving, everyone was was learning automatic. I found you attractive, you found me attractive, and we slowly began to flirt during the week long course. We exchanged contact information and left, at the end of our time there.

In short order, you called and asked if I wanted to go to a fair with you, and I agreed. I really didn't care about the fair, but it was fun to be with you. We kissed at the top of the ferris wheel for the first time, for both of us. It was awkward, teeth banging together a bit, but certainly an enjoyable new experience for us. We continued this all of the way home while your mother drove. I was paranoid about the fact that she might realize what was happening behing her, but then realized she knew and didn't care.

In the following month, I visited you at your home several times, we snuck off into the woods and continued kissing. However, the whole time in the back of my head, a little voice was screaming that this was too good to be true. I couldn't possibly deserve someone like you, and that this shouldn't continue. A short while later, you injured your ankle playing basketball. You called me, we talked, and I proceeded to say stupid things, including refusing to come to your school's homecoming dance.

Truthfully, I was scared shitless. I didn't know what was happening, I was probably too immature to be in a relationship at all, despite being 16. I bullshitted explanation after explanation regarding why I couldn't go, and I know I wounded you deeply. You wanted support, someone to lean on, as you had just injured yourself off a sports team you cared about, and you wanted me to go with you to a dance, to have fun and meet your friends. Instead, I threw it all away. I proceeded to childishly run away from you, and haven't contacted you since then.

I want to apologize, however late it is, for all that I've done. Though I did not deserve you, that didn't stop you from wanting to be with me. I proved myself right, such as it was, by throwing you away, something I regret to this day. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. If you never want to speak to me again, I can understand, but I at least want you to read this apology. I'm so very sorry for hurting you.
This was originally a node of it's own, but I was informed it should be a daylog