Listen up smokers! (idea)

• Smoking causes heart disease. Tasty.
• Low birth weight among children born to smokers. Heck, they're teeny. Best to get in your shots now, before they can wander away under their own power.
• Smokers smell like shit. Wait...that's wrong. Shit smells better than smokers do. And shit is inescapable.
• Premature aging. That's attractive.
• Difficulty breathing. Nothing sexier than a wheezy lover.
• The sucking noise from your wallet as expensive pack after pack of cigarettes gets reduced to ash, reeking smoke, and empty cardboard.
• A constant reminder of your addiction as you huddle in the snow, rain and sleet to inhale one more before your coffee break ends.
• Social ostracism.

Don't get me wrong. I think everyone has the right to do dangerous and lethal things to themselves. I am a steadfast proponent of attrition. The more smokers die messily, the less there are to avoid in my daily life.

Of course, if you would encourage children to stay away from smoking I'd appreciate it. It's so very tiring to keep explaining and asking politely to not have to smell the taint of burned poison on my skin and clothes and hair.

Thank you for your time. I know there's not a ton of it left.