For the record, women (or men) can download a man worshipping them ... well, sorta. (How much worship can you possibly expect to get out of a download, anyway?)

If you go to the Brawny Paper Towels site, you can find a Flash-based feature called "Innocent Escapes". At this site, you will be greeted by the Brawny Man:

"I'm glad you're here. I was hoping we could spend some time together. Just let me know what you want to do by clicking on one of those menus there. If you choose 'pre-made', I'll take care of everything. And with 'custom-made', I'll kind of let you call the shots. Whatever you want, I mean, that's what I'm here for."

In the video assemblies you create at Innocent Escapes, you enter the rustic cabin of the endlessly handy, sensitive, attentive, encouraging, husky-voiced Brawny Man. He has a romantic fire going, asks you to come in and sit down, and offers you things such as virtual homemade dessert, hot cocoa with marshmallows, sweet nothings, foot rubs, and guitar serenades. He'll show you his paintings, his pottery, his pet pony. (But not, you know, anything else that starts with "p".)

He's been thinking about you. He wants to know how your day's been going. He wants to let you know that it's okay to feel lonely; he's here for you. He thinks your hair is perfect.

And he's incredibly sympathetic about That Thing You're Going Through: "Sometimes, when I'm having a hard time, and I need something to make me feel better ... I saw wood. Come saw some wood with me. Just relax your shoulders, and let the saw do the work. You're great at this! You feel better? I feel better, too."

The site is well aware of its own cheese content, and is pretty amusing overall. The opening shot of the cabin with its accompanying music comes off as a sly homage to the opening of Twin Peaks. I'd rate it as one of the better examples of viral marketing I've seen in a while, because of course the Brawny Man is using paper towels to clean up after art projects or to mop his brow after a hard day of sawing wood and building foot bridges.

You can visit the site at:

The Brawny Man may be disconcerting to those not familiar with American-style gender conventions. Siobhan, for instance, reports she was creeped out, whereas princess loulou and grundoon found the whole thing great fun and Transitional Man reports he nearly broke a rib laughing. Your mileage, as always, may vary.