Masturbation: The Magic Cure-all

Despite the name of this node, what I'm about to say is true.

A few weeks ago I got food poisoning from a fast-food restaurant that shall remain nameless. I woke up with this horrible stabbing pain in my abdomen and spent most of the morning lying on the bathroom floor moaning in pain. When I finally managed to crawl to my couch, Showtime decided they were going to have Drew Barrymore day. So I sat there all day in agony watching Home Fries and Never Been Kissed. Sometime in the afternoon I got really horny. Normally when I'm sick, sex isn't the first thing on my mind anymore. I couldn't shake it I had to masturbate. So I did the deed and in the process my atrocious monster pains ceased. It was amazing; it was better than any pain killer on the market. Maybe it's the serotonin or endorphins. I don't know, but it worked. So every time I felt overwhelmed by pain, I'd have a little fun with myself. That's how I got through the day.

For all the doubters out there, I was talking to Psydereal last night about this subject. One time she so sick and couldn't breathe. Every time she would masturbate she could breathe.

Maybe the medical profession should look into masturbation as a new treatment. Who knows? It can't hurt.