Names truncated to protect the innocent.
Okay fine then. You win, mind.
So i've been listening to depressing music lately, (like the new Radiohead album Amnesiac, pilfered
from Napster) and it's making it seem like my whole life is crashing down, when there's really
nothing major going on. Okay, so I've got finals next week, some of which will be particularily
tricky, but it's nothing I can't handle. Lately i've been trying to avoid writing out my thoughts
in this 'diary' format since it makes my mind reflect on the past a little too strongly, which can
make things worse. Yesterday, I started writing out a diary entry and as I was just about to enter
the horrific details of my life I said to my self "Wait a minute. There is nothing wrong with your
life, or with you." So I shut off the PC and went to bed. Bad move. My brain was churning and
turning, so I couldn't sleep. My mind needed to blorp something down to paper, but I refused to let
it. The result was a insomnia. So, to stem off another night of hell, I'm going to give my brain
the chance to get all of it's crap out and onto paper so's I can file it away in the "personal" box
and let it rot for a month or so 'till i dig it up again and laugh at it. Or maybe I'll post it to
thousands of strangers on e2. Whatever.
Actually, today was a pretty good day. The lovely C called me up and we went on a photo-taking
adventure. Basically we tore around the countryside in her Oldsmobile 424, looking for interesting
scenery to snap. We didn't find all that much, but it was kinda fun nonetheless. At one point we
had this mad idea to go and take pictures of the Big Rock. Sounds great! A quick stop for gas and
we were off. We took MacLeod Trail south onto highway 2 and we kept going... completely missing the
turnoff to highway 2A that would lead us through the fabulous town of Okotoks onto Big Rock Trail
which supposedly could lead us onward. So we went about 50 clicks along highway 2 and about half
way to High River realized we had screwed up somewhere. So we did a U-turn (flipped a bitch... why
the hell do they call it that?!) and headed back. A hundred kilometres traveled and not a picture
taken. Though we did see a few roadside oddities that may require further investigation. 1) six
railcars cleaned up nice and shiny, including even a caboose unused for 50 years. 2) A massive
antenna for talking to aliens, I think.
Anyway, on the way back we had an interesting conversation about her. So she says she's completely
broken up from the terrible S and is looking forward to a new life. Of course, she's also afraid
and wants to run back to him. I dunno, I think it's good she's out of it. But that's just me. S was
a terrible individual, IMHO, and wasn't deserving of the lovely C. Now here's the weird part. I
want to seduce the lovely C. Now wait, I don't mean seduce in the negative sense that the word
usually implies. I just would like it if we could date eachother and find a mutually successful,
deeply spiritual, but also physical, boy-girl relationship. I can't help it, really. But I'm
thinking, if I go and try this now, that would just be mean! Like, just after a difficult breakup,
with the chance to discover herself and what she wants to do, who am I to get in the way of that.
So finally we get back to my place, and I should have invited her in for dinner, but of course my
brain is just not fast enough to think of that in time. (Crap!) So I give her a big, strong fuzzle
before I go, and she returns it, just as strongly. As we retract from the hug moments later, our
eyes meet and there's a little *zing* of electricity. What the hell was that?!?! Oh shit. Now what
am I going to do? But she drives off and I go into the house.
So yeah, my life is going pretty good but also pretty bad. The moment is good, the future is
unclear. It's the future that I am trying to drop from my life, because the future comes on its
own. I've got to hold onto the moment, because the moment is infinitely sweet, and filled with the
thousand joys of life. Or something.