Tips for Tourists in New York City

If you and your typically lardassed Caucasian family make it up to New York City from Georgia and you're on the subway at rush hour, squished into a comparatively small space with seventy-five New Yorkers trying to get somewhere, for the love of all things holy, don't start talking loudly about how misguided we northerners are about the Civil War.

And after you didn't do that, don't proudly proclaim yourself as a high school history teacher.

Lemme tell ya something: we (as New Yorkers) are okay with ignorance and stupidity and diversity, even among smug and supercilious white people - in a town this large and this diverse, we have to be. You know what we're not okay with? People who fuck with the minds of children.