Well, me personally, I don't care much for New Year's
or any other holiday for that matter. Most of the time because they are tied to organized religion
, which I detest. This writeup is not to be a rant on religion, though. It isn't supposed to be a rant at all, if I can help it. Just a little recount on how I spent New Year's (or Silvester
, as it is called in Germany
Now for me, New Year's is a day like any other. It's just the last day on the regular calendar, or the first, depending on how you look at it. But I still will go out with friends and party, since it seems like the right thing to do. But for the first time in my life, I spent the time between the years alone. Among other people, but alone. A certain number of you will understand what I mean.
Now Amanda (see December 23, 2001) was in Dortmund for New Year's, which was a bit depressing. But I thought I would spend the time with the usual people. But then Timon and Stefan felt like going to some party in Hanau (entrance fee was 20 bucks, egad) where they were gonna play Techno and Schlager (German Folk music), so I didn't feel like it. Daniel was going to Frankfurt with some people I knew but didn't like, so I didn't feel like that either. I finally reached an old friend of mine, Felix, who invited me to a small house party of a friend of his in Egelsbach. 6 people, including me. I didn't get along with them very well, so I finally caught a train to Frankfurt, to at least watch the fireworks. That was around 23:00.
So eventually I ended up walking through downtown Frankfurt, listening to Life of Agony, White Zombie and Body Count on my MP3 player. Very fitting music, dontya think? I stalked the streets, looking out for Daniel, smoking my cigarettes, dodging fire crackers, sipping Glühwein.
I don't know what it is with me. On the one hand, I seek human companionship, on the other I revel in my solitude. Is it the self-pity? Or the feeling of being on my own, doing my own thing? In any case, I still felt slightly depressed. Sure, I could have joined my family, watch a movie or something. But I shiver at the thought, I don't know why. I want friends, but I want to be alone. I have no idea.
But at least the fireworks were good.