Columbine was a great tragedy. I know. 2 disillusioned kids killed some of their classmates. Blame it on parenting. Blame it on high school social ladder oppression (to be truthful, as a victim of this type of oppression, I believe that to be by far the most important factor in triggering Columbine). But whatever you decided to lay blame on, don't lay it on computer games.

I see that kind of article all the time. Computer game violence, blah blah blah, cause violence in teenagers by vividly depicting graphical violence, ya da blah. Apparently teenage minds are so fragile and malleable that a simple computer game can make them think the violence is all real and it is perfectly OK. I think not. I watched Aliens when I was 7, grew up desensitized, and I have yet to commit a single murder.

Oft-quoted games linked to violence include: Doom in all incarnations, Quake (again, in all incarnations), the game Postal (OK I concede that game is a bit off the normality scale, but it sucks anyways so it doesn't matter), just to name a few. The game Soldiers of Fortune, which is extremely graphic in nature, is on the media's newest hitlist.

The thing is, the violence in computer games are so fake, no person can ever link it to real life. You see, no amount of computing power can render graphics that look like real life at the speed of a computer game. Doom is so pixelated the enemies look like blocks. The only games that have tried to use real life video are called FMV (full motion video), but those are pre-sequenced, not really interactive games. They also suck.

Hey, vulturish media mudslingers! You want real life-like violence? So real its uncanny? Go watch TV. Go write articles about movies like Natural Born Killers. Young children and teenagers see a heck of a lot more violence on TV than in games, so leave them alone.

Besides, they are so fun! So, one more word about computer games causing violence in teenagers, and I'll blow your head off with my shotgun. Just like in fucking Doom! No I'm just kidding.