My mother is a few french fries short of a happy meal-- if you catch my drift. Once for Easter, she bought me and my sister chocolate Easter Bunnies in a box. On the way home from the store she got a little hungry and ate the head of mine off. That wasn't bad part though. She left it in the hot sun in her car because she didn't want me to find it and ruin the suprise. So when I finally recieved my Easter gift-- it was a chocolate lump that had fit the mold of the corner.

One day my friend Randi and I went running. We decided to come home for some drinks and low and behold my mother was there. She told Randi that she liked her "Umbrio" shorts. "Umbro?" replied Randi. "Yes," my mother said, "I know that an Umbrio is an unborn child." Ok- hello mother-- isn't that an Embryo?

When I was seven she helped me with my homework and she mispelled California. She swore to me that it was "CALIPHORNIA."

I can remember riding in the car with her when Lump by the Presidents of the United States of America came on the radio. . . She actually asked me if Bill Clinton and Al Gore wrote it.

My mother was not paying attention one time and put salt in her cookies.

Last year, a bat got into our house and she really was afraid that it would turn into a vampire (I am totally serious).

She also drove away with the gas pump still attached her car before. How embarrassing.

It really is a miracle that I turned out so normal. *twitch*

This is not simply a node to bash on my mother-- it is a request for people everywhere who have mothers like mine to come together and everything will be okay. Sometimes I lie in bed and cry-- cries of longing to have a mother with intelligence; dignity; anything. But my cries are only distrubed by the sound of my mother falling off of her bed. She has fallen off of her bed 23 times during her sleep. It does have it's perks though-- my mother being so slow. I can get away with most things and easily stretch the truth and she will believe me. It is quite entertaining actually. Anyway I must go before my mother catches the house on fire-- she is cooking.