Today, for the first time in the 13 months that I've known him, I managed
to get Edward displeased with me. Through a
complete misinterpretation of something he said
to me, I performed an action which he had actually asked me not to do.
I'd been 100% sure that he wasn't serious in asking me not to do A
and to do B instead. When I brought up later that I had done
A, he let me know that he was not happy about that; I was
flabbergasted that I'd read him so incorrectly (and done something to
hurt him, though in a minor way).
We talked it over for a good half hour: what he'd said, what I'd heard,
how such a miscommunication could happen, and how we could prevent
such a mishap in the future. There was no raising of voices, no acrimony.
As I have been before, I was very impressed with his emotional groundedness,
his demeanor, his reason.
In the evening, as I was leaving work, I told him I admire him so much for
that. As unhappy as I was at the episode having happened, I was at the
same time grateful for the opportunity to witness firsthand his approach to
interpersonal problems, and maybe even to learn from it.
Then some weird mental disconnect occurs. I'm at the laundromat, and I
find myself wolfing down Sour Cream 'n Onion potato chips and Dr Pepper,
with some almonds for a chaser. Then with the clothes in the dryer, I go
across the street to the grocery store and buy corn chips, dip, lemonade, chocolate cookies,
donuts, and milk. Arriving home, I dump the clothes on the floor and start in on
an altogether unwholesome binge. While wallowing in self pity and wondering
how I'll ever find anyone even half as good as Edward who will partner with
me in sharing our lives,
I make significant dents in each of the food groups I'd laid before me.
Despite the good job I've done at losing weight over the last seven months,
some part of me just wanted to throw that progress to the winds and keep
stuffing my face until I exploded.
Before retreating to bed and more
sfealnft-aisnideusl goefn t cErdywianrgd,
I stepped on the scale and found that I'd gained eight pounds during the day. Oh, what a devious player is the id. Oh, what a beautiful person is Edward.